Love Potion Number 9
by dave-d
Summary: Naruto returns for a visit to Konoha, cursed with his usual success with girls... until a a bizarre accident takes place...
1. Accident!

Naruto stopped, staring at the Great gate of Konoha.

_He smiled, thinking how wonderful everything looked._

It had been over two years since his last visit back, and that had come during a long rainy week filled with thunderstorms, book tests, and his routine medical check-up.

Today, Spring was in the air. The sky was clear. The sun was shining down.

**It was the kind of day that could bring nothing but favorable omens.**

"Uzumaki Naruto deserves some good luck. And, the _best _bowl of Ramen the village has to offer!"

It was great training with Jiraiya, but it certainly put a crimp on his social life. He might have seen more naked women than most of the guys in the Leaf, but it was always through a telescope, a knot hole in a fence, or on a cliff edge overlooking the waterfall pool.

It would be _nice_ to see his friends. It would also be **_sweet _**if he could come across Sakura. Now that Sasuke the wonder boy was long gone, maybe she would see how much better it was to fall for someone with a good heart. Hell, she might coming running to his arms, if Lee was _still_ chasing after her unsuccessfully.

Yes, after years of training, he had everything that Sasuke had. Talent. Power. An indomitable will. Everything. Well, everything _except_ for pretty boy good looks.

**How much did that really matter?**

Somewhere out there, was a girl for the future Hokage. His brilliance and blinding charm would wear her down, shortly after his good fortune brought her into his life. If not _Sakura, _then who else?

_Ino_ had grown into a real beauty. And, after Shikamaru had dumped her and taken up with Temari, her personality had begun to change for the better, after everyone had told her how much of a bitch she had been.

_Ten Ten _was even more of a looker. The last time he had been to Konoha, she had been chasing Neji with little success. Maybe she had given up on him. Naruto certainly wouldn't mind if she wanted to help him with his Taijutsu practice.

_Hinata_ had also started to blossom. She would never have the striking beauty of the other girls, but she might end up the cutest one of the bunch. He just wished she wasn't still so shy and self conscious. But, who knows, that might have changed.

In any case, there were other shinobi Ten Ten's age, and some cute ninja girls younger than his own group. Not that he would restrict his eye to warrior women.

_Why shouldn't the civilian gals have a chance at good luck?_

Remembering a tune he had heard in the other village, he began to sing. It had the guards looking at him strangely as he passed under the massive stone archway.

"**_I took my troubles down to Madame Ru  
You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth  
She's got a shop down on 34th and Vine  
Sellin' little bottles of Love Potion Number Nine…"_**

Walking down the avenue that would take him to his favorite old ramen haunt, Naruto caught sight of a group of young village women in nice clothing. They must be out on lunch break.

"Hi girls!" he shouted, waving. He put on his best smile.

_The girls didn't even look in his direction_.

They must not have heard me, he thought.

"**_I told her that I was a flop with babes  
I've been this way since before I could shave  
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign  
She said "What you need is Love Potion Number Nine…"_**

As he turned one corner, Naruto ran into a girl carrying a stack of parcels. They tumbled to the ground, some bouncing out into the street. One balanced precariously on the edge of a storm drain.

Speaking an apology, the young shinobi helped pick up all the packages before they could be trod on, making use of _Kage Bunshin._

When the clones had all left, he asked the girl if she might like to join him for lunch.

"Sorry," the girl said, hurrying on her way. "I usual date guys from **_my _**species."

Scratching his head, Naruto pursed his lips. She must be the shy type. Probably thought that a ninja was out of her league, and was trying to make jokes to cover up her feelings of inadequacy.

Must be tough being a girl.

"**_She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink  
She said "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink"  
It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink  
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink…"_**

The next group of ladies he came across were all carrying mops and buckets, wearing long aprons, their hair tied with bandanas. They must be maids or one of the city cleaning crews. Some of them were pretty cute.

Naruto began walking with a strut, throwing his chest out. He stopped and leaned against a tall lamp post, right where the women would have to pass. He bowed when they stepped around him.

"Good afternoon, ladies!"

The girls all looked at him…… looked at each other…… and then burst out snickering and laughing, some not bothering to hide their amusement behind their hands.

Naruto just shook his head.

"**_I didn't know if it was day or night  
I started kissin' everything in sight  
But when I kissed a guard down on 34rd and Vine  
He broke my little bottle of Love Potion Number Nine…"_**

He began playing air guitar on his kunei.

The people walking by the cheerful ninja didn't know quite what to make of him.

Naruto didn't care. It was a beautiful day. He was starving after his long walk. And there were at lest twelve bowls of Ramen with his name on it.

As he looked for a vacant seat, he continued with his singing.

_**I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink**_

_**I didn't know if it was day or night  
I started kissin' everything in sight**_

_**But when I kissed a guard down on 34th and Vine  
He broke my little bottle of Love Potion Number Nine**_

_**Love Potion Number Nine  
Love Potion Number Nine  
Love Potion Number Nine**_

There was one seat open at a table filled with cute shinobi girls.

_No doubt they would be glad to eat with a ninja of his caliber._

_**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**_

A group of butterflies moved from flower to flower, almost looking like a living yellow cloud.

Barking, a young dog chased the insects, leaping from one side of a low hedge to the other.

Three shinobi labored under the weight of large glass bottles, carefully making their way down a series of broad concrete steps bordered by ornate metal railings. Other people using the path stepped onto the neatly cutgrass to get out of their path.

"Please be **_very_** cautious," Shino said. "The substances are not volatile, but the bottles _are_ glass. It took a **_long_** time for the technicians to produce each batch." He shifted the bottle in his arms slightly.

"OK, Shino." Hinata struggled with her container. Her arms had begun to tremble some.

"Yeh yeh. Whatever you say, man." Kiba grunted, hefting his bottle a little higher. "Just what **_is_** this stuff any way?"

"Pheromones," the boy in the dark glasses answered, his voice muffled slightly by his high collar. "Or, to be precise, raw extract that my family will use to **_create_** various insect pheromones."

"Huh?" Kiba watched as Akamaru started running in and out of small spaces under the long line of shrubs.

"_Pheromones _and _semiochemicals_are signaling chemicals that organisms can detect in its environment, which may modify its behavior or its physiology. They are usually wind borne but may be placed on soil, vegetation or various items. Each species of insect relies on some one hundred chemicals in its life, to engage in such routine activities as finding food and mates, aggregating to take advantage of food resources, protecting sites of oviposition, and escaping predation. It has been found that pheromones may convey different signals when presented in combinations or concentrations. Pheromones differ from sight or sound signals in a number of ways. They travel slowly, do not fade quickly, and are effective over a long range. Sound and sight receptors are not needed for pheromone detection, and pheromone direction is not limited to straight lines."

"Oh!" Hinata said, wishing that Kiba had not asked that question. If Shino got on one of his rare talking binges….

"Finding food might be good about now," Kiba laughed. "Though Akamaru might be more interested in finding a mate." He smiled a devilish smile. "Just like Hinata…."

_Hinata gasped, coming very close to dropping her bottle._

"Pheromones are classified into several subcategories on the basis of the type of interaction they mediate," Shino turned to give Hinata a meaningful stare. She bit her lip and tried to be more careful. "**Sex pheromones** are chemicals that bring both sexes together. **Aggregation pheromones** are chemicals that cause an increase in the density of the animals in the vicinity of the pheromone source. **Trail pheromones** are chemicals secreted by workers of social insect to recruit other individuals to food source or to a new colony site. **Alarm pheromones** are chemicals that stimulate escape or defense behavior. There are other types too, if you wish to hear about them. **Dispersal pheromones**, **maturation pheromones,** and so forth.

"Ummm…." Hinata didn't want to be rude.

"Well-l-l-l-l-l-l-l…… _no!" _Kiba said., laughing.

Shino just stared at him, but it would be hard to tell that because of the glasses.

"Don't bust a gut, guy," Kiba said. "It's just that I've heard about similar stuff at home. Scents are _real_ important to dogs. A dog that pees on a fire hydrant is leaving scents behind to claim territory. A female dog in heat releases scents that will attract all male dogs living within a radius of several miles."

Hinata swallowed hard, waiting for Kiba to make one of his embarrassing comments to her again. Fortunately, he didn't.

"The sense of smell is vitally important to dogs. Smells are a form of communication…… not just a way to mark territory, but also a method of tracking down friends and enemies. Lactating females release substances called that reassure the young pups. My family has shown how important a canine's own naturally-produced scents can be in helping the animal to stay calm in a crisis. Those might be pheromones too, _right?"_

"Yes," Shino said. "But, in dealing with mammals, however, scientists faced an entirely different problem. Compared to insects, whose behavior is stereotyped and highly predictable, mammals are independent and very complex. Their behavior varies greatly, and it is not always clear how pheromones work in them."

"_So-o-o-o-o-o-o-o," _Kiba said chuckling. "Might some pheromones be able to work as sex pheromones in people?" He smiled at Hinata, who looked away and blushed. "If Hinata put some in her perfume, the next time she saw Naruto…."

"**Kiba-kun!**" Hinata looked around to see if anyone had heard her team mate.

"That might be necessary," Shino said seriously. "Pheromone would work, whether or not the recipient creature was totally _clueless."_

That comment had Kiba howling with laughter. "Of course, it would probably be simpler if she simply told the guy that she liked him."

Shino stopped, remaining silent.

"You're right, Shino." Kiba shook his head and smiled. "With Naruto, that might _not _be enough."

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x **

The girls laughed and whispered as they walked along.

While it might be a fine day for eating lunch outside at a café, it was **_also_** a wonderful time for gossip and daydreaming.

As they strolled along, Ari, Hotaru, Kaiko and the other younger girls made it a point to walk between Ino and Sakura. Ten Ten was observant enough to notice that, amused that her two friends _still_ had their rivalry going strong. She would make certain to sit between them at the restaurant.

The younger shinobi were all excited, talking about the boys they favored, or who had asked whom out.

"But we'll make a pact," Kaiko said. "We'll never…… **_ever_**…… go after the _same_ boy…."

Ari, Hotaru, and the others laughed. "Why would we ever do _that?" _Ari asked. "It's not like we're…." Hotaru started.

'_SHHHHHHH!" _The young girls as a group shushed Hotaru.

"We've grown beyond **_that_**," Sakura said, knowing what they were all thinking. "At least **_I _**have. Ino usually lags behind a bit!" She put a big smile on her face.

"_Ah hah hah hah," _Ino tittered. "Someone is lost in her dream world again. I'm glad that I don't have an 'Inner Ino,' so I don't get confused all the time." She chuckled. "And, it might be best if we don't discuss _behinds_…."

"You-" Sakura began turning red in the face.

"So-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o…." Ten Ten deftly stepped into the conversation. "The Girl's Dance is coming up next month. Who's everyone thinking of asking? Ino?"

"She's probably going to ask Shikamaru…." Sakura said, a nasty grin on her face. "**_Oooops_**……my bad…… he's _already_ dumped her for Temari…." Her eyes widened in delight when she saw Ino stumble a moment. "Maybe she's better off with Kiba…… **_he_** likes dogs…."

"Please-" Ten Ten wasn't able to diffuse things that time.

"Shikamaru in not such a catch," Ino said, practically growling. "And Kiba's not that bad looking, actually. Unlike the boys who chase after a certain pink-haired girl with an enormous forehead" It was Ino's turn to chuckle. "The only reason Lee is interested is because of those weird eyes of his. They must not see things the same as everyone else. I mean, who else **_ever_** asks Sakura out on a date?"

"Well…." This time Ten Ten was able to get her words in edgewise. "If Naruto was still in the village, _he _would be pining away for one of his old team mates."

"Sasuke?" Ino asked.

Sakura ignored Ino, answering Ten Ten instead. "**_Geeez. _**Way to ruin my appetite. Naruto's a nice guy and all…… and he was a good team mate…. but _ugh! _He is not exactly dating material. It was always 'Sakura-chan' this and 'Sakura-chan' that."

"Uh huh," Ino said. "Just like it was always 'Sasuke-kun' this and 'Sasuke-kun' that…." She laughed. "I admit I had a crush on him, but **_you_** were pathetic…."

"You-" Sakura never got her words out.

"So, who was this Naruto?" Kaiko asked. "Wasn't he the boy who beat Hinata's cousin in the arena a number of years ago?"

"_Right! _I remember thinking he was kind of cute when I saw him blowing kisses to the crowd." Ari tried to remember what Naruto looked like.

"I've heard the name before," Hotaru said. "Some people don't seem to like him very much."

"Trust me," Sakura said. "He's **_not _**someone you'd be interested in. He was short, scruffy, loud, persistent, and obnoxious. Not to mention reckless and impatient. Those were his _good_ traits." She laughed. "It was always Ramen, Ramen, Ramen, or Hokage, Hokage, Hokage…."

"He's gotten taller, but I doubt much else has changed, considering that he trains with that Frog Hermit." Ino waved her hand, as if dismissing Naruto altogether. "There's not a single girl in this village who would probably give him the time of day, just looking at him."

"Except for Hinata…." Ten Ten clarified.

"True," Ino agreed.

"Yes…… _poor_ Hinata…." Sakura looked at each member of their little congregation, wondering if she had overlooked their diminutive friend. "Where **_is_** she, any way?"

"She said that she was helping someone with something, and would meet us at the café." Ten Ten answered.

"Let's change the subject, then." Sakura shook her head. "_Anything_ but Naruto…."

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**

Naruto was in a bit of a huff.

Not only had the young shinobi at the Ramen shop been cold to his request to join them, they had **_also_** purchased the last of the ready noodles.

_He was not about to sit around waiting while the chef made up the next batch!_

So, arms pumping and legs moving quickly, he wove his way through the crowd, headed for his second favorite restaurant. Smiling, he decided to look on the bright side. There **_must_** be a reason that things turned out as they had.

Looking across the avenue, he caught sight of a young woman with pink hair, walking with a group of fellow ninjas.

**It was Sakura! **

Ha!

_His luck was looking up already._

"**SAKURA-CHAN!**" Naruto shouted, waved, then began running.

The girls, for their part, all looked in his direction when they heard the shout. Ino began grinning. Ten Ten shook her head. The younger girls all looked on, curious.

Sakura, her eyes going wide, mumbled "No way" and took off running. She aimed herself towards her destination and away from Naruto. But, she had misjudged his speed.

At the same time, Shino, Kiba, and Hinata had just about reached the bottom of the winding length of stairs.

"_W-W_-Was that Naruto-kun's voice?" Hinata asked, distracted. She placed one foot too far ahead, sliding off of the step. Only by slamming into Kiba's back did she remain upright. She fumbled her bottle, but sat down hard, securing it in her lap.

"**Ha! **That's what you get when you don't pay attention!" Kiba laughed. He had spoken much too soon.

Akamaru, hot in pursuit of a wild-eyed squirrel, ran right between Kiba's legs. Still not a large dog by any means, he was big enough to trip his companion.

"**No! **_Not good!" _Shino watched as Kiba's bottle arced through the air. Placing his bottle down, he made a run for the liquid-filled missile.

"Good catch, Shino." Hinata said, seeing her friend catch the large container.

Not much later, she bit her lip, seeing Sakura slam into Shino as he stepped out into the street. The bottle flew up out of the shinobi's arms.

_Watching the bottle descending towards her head, Sakura reached up to make the grab._

"I'll save you Sakura-chan!"

Naruto pushed Sakura hard, causing her to trip and fall on Shino. The bottle crashed against the cobblestones, breaking with a loud sound, throwing a clear odorless fluid all over Naruto.

The young ninja frowned, wondering what had just happened. He sniffed his moist clothing, then smiled. It must have been water or something. _No big deal. _Looking around, he noticed Shino, Kiba, and Hinata. In addition to Sakura, Ino and Ten Ten were nearby, as were a group of girls he did not recognize.

"Kiba. If you would, please take Hinata's bottle from her. _Quickly." _Shino helped Sakura up, then headed to secure one of the two surviving containers.

"**Why? **Because she's a _girl?" _Kiba frowned. He gave Hinata credit for trying, but she shouldn't have volunteered if she couldn't get the job done.

"_Exactly," _Shino said. "But **_not_** why you think. We do not know if the solution that spilled will effect females in its current form." He looked down at Naruto. "It's best that we don't take any chances."

"That's ridiculous. The stuff won't… **_OOF!_**" Kiba was breathless after Hinata slammed her elbow into his belly while trying to push past him. He caught the bottle that started rolling down the stairs.

"Really?" Shino asked, one eyebrow raised.

As he watched, the girls began forming a ring around Naruto.


	2. Epidemic?

Not long after the last sharp-edged piece of glass came to a stop, things began unfolding a breakneck pace.

"**NARUTO!!! **" Sakura shouted, after getting to her feet. "**YOU**…… **_YOU_**…." She stopped, twitched a moment, then put on a slow smile. Her eyes looked dreamy. "You saved me…."

After saying that, she stumbled, pushed from behind.

"**_NARUTO-KUN!!!_**" Hinata shoved the pink-haired girl out of the way. "You're back…." She stood staring at Naruto, her fingers twiddling at a prodigious rate.

Ino had her hand at her mouth. At first she grinned. Then she chuckled. She was about to break out in full-ledged laughter when she suddenly went stiff, her arms extending straight out from her sides. She shook her head, wondering what was going on.

"**_SAKURA! _GET YOUR GIGANTIC FOREHEAD AWAY FROM HIM!**" Ino knocked Ten Ten and Kaiko out of her way. "After all the _terrible_ things you were saying about him…."

Naruto was all smiles. This was an embarrassment of riches. Maybe it was true, that saying: _Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

Step by step, Hinata slowly closed the distance between Naruto and herself. The other girls were all going through visual reactions, rubbing their eyes, shaking their heads, or flexing their fingers.

"**FAT ASS FREAK!!!**" Ino looked ready to bite something.

Ten Ten had started forward to break up the surprisingly vicious scuffle. But, she soon found a different motivation. A blur to those who watched, she moved both her hands in a series of precise motions.

_Kunai after kunai clattered off the cobblestones, barely missing the feet of her two friends. _

Sakura and Ino were forced to dance a strange little jig just to keep from being struck.

"**_TAKE YOUR SCHOOLGIRL SQUABBLE ELSEWHERE!!!_**" Ten Ten shouted. "Naruto shouldn't have to watch something so childish." She began swaying her hips as she walked. "We have more _adult_ things to discuss…."

Naruto's mouth fell open. Ten Ten's motions were nearly hypnotic. Just what did she have in mind?

"**NO!!!**" Hinata struck with the Gentle Fist, catching Ten Ten off guard, sending the larger girl hard to the street. Her eyes looked shock, but her smile was predatory. "**_I WAS THE ONE WHO WATCHED HIM. I WAS THE ONE WHO CARED._**" Part of her wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and stay there until the Crack of Doom.

_But, like the other girls in the vicinity, her actions were far from voluntary._

"Hinata…." Naruto swallowed hard, then rubbed his eyes. He wasn't dreaming all this, **_was _**he?

Hinata, knocking someone aside? Hinata, shouting? Hinata, saying that she cared about him?

Ari, Hotaru, Kaiko and the other younger girls took advantage of the tussles to gather around Naruto. Each of them was batting her eyes, throwing out her chest, or licking her lips.

**One girl even went so far as to press herself up against him.**

They were _not _the only ones to be effected. Slowly but surely, in a gradually expanding radius, women began acting strangely. Girl babies began to babble, even as their male counterparts cried, slept, or worked at their bottles. Their mothers left the strollers and carriages in the middle of the street, taking a series of halting steps in Naruto's direction.

One woman, busy washing her windows, leaned too far out. She fell, bounced off of a large awning, then landed on the head of a shocked elderly man out for a stroll. Another young lady, busy watering the long box of flowers outside her shop, began following the others, leaving a continuous stream of water in her wake.

"**Hey! **You girls better stop fighting!" Naruto saw the crowd beginning to gather. "Everyone's coming over here to see what's going on." Seeing Kiba and Shino, he opened his mouth to ask them for assistance, but they were hurrying on their way, protecting two bottles similar to the one which shattered.

"**_WE'RE NOT FIGHTERS,_**" Kaiko breathed in a long sigh when she was done.

"**WE'RE LOVERS,**" Ari purred after shouting..

"**_AT LEAST WE WANT TO BE,_**" Hotaru said.

"**DON'T** **LOOK AT THEM, LOOK AT _ME!!!_ **" Naruto didn't recognize that girl.

"**NO, LOOK AT _THESE_**…." A young shinobi began unbuttoning her blouse.

For a moment, Naruto froze, his eyes ruling his actions. Then she shook his head and took a number of steps back.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

"**_Anything you want_**…." Dozens of women answered almost simultaneously. Pieces of clothing began flying through the air, coming from who knows where and who knows whom.

Naruto swallowed hard. Even his wildest dreams never amounted to _this_ much. Something strange was going on.

_This must be some kind of joke!_

All of the girls must have gotten together, deciding to tease him or make fun of him.

Well, he would play along. Let's see just how far these ladies would go to get their laughs!

"**SO, YOU LADIES WANT SOME OF _THIS? _**" He made a muscle, flexing his biceps. "**HOW ABOUT _THIS?_**" He pulled down the zipper on his pull-over. "**FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE!!!**"

_That_ ought to have them laughing. Maybe one or two of them would make some catty comment or try to get him to embarrass himself.

_Not knowing that he had done so, Naruto threw a match on the figurative pool of kerosene._

There was an immediate reaction to his offer. The nearest girls threw themselves at him, fighting for a chance to get close.

"**KISS ME!!!**" Someone shouted "**TOUCH ME!!! **" Another girl yelled. "**_TAKE ME!!! _**" That last call whipped up the ladies even more.

Before Naruto knew it, he was brought down to the ground, covered with a pile of amorous girls. A soon as one woman was pulled off by others, another one leaped and took her place. He was kissed more times than he could count. The body parts pressing against him would have sent him into ecstasy in any other situation. Fighting hard to breath, he never noticed his erection.

_But, the girls did._

"**_I WANT THAT!!! _**" "**THE BUTTON, PULL OFF THE _DAMN_ BUTTON!!!" **"**_ME FIRST! ME FIRST! _**"

Who knows what would have happened, had someone not taken things into her own hands.

"**KAITEN!!!**"

Suddenly, Naruto felt a terrible weight lifted off of him. Standing and feeling somewhat shaky, he brushed himself off. Looking over, he saw Hinata standing at the center of a great ring of fallen girls. She was staring at him. He followed her eyes.

**They were focused on his crotch.**

Looking down, he took note of the tenting of his trouser fabric. Then he froze. The fact that he was sporting a woody in that situation wasn't surprising.

No.

_The shocker was that Hyuuga Hinata was standing there, staring at it._

"**Hinata!**" Naruto felt as if he had been smacked with a sledge hammer. Hinata's reaction might be the most unlikely thing of all.

"You said my name, Naruto-kun…." The white-eyed girl began moving forward in jerky fashion, as if she were a puppet moved by strings of chakra. "You **_noticed_** me…."

Naruto watched as the other women got to their feet. His opportunity wouldn't last much longer. He hated running from a fight. But, this wasn't a fight.

_He took off like a scorched bat._

Pelting up the stairway Shino and the others had walked down, the blonde-haired boy never took a moment to look behind him. He was afraid of what he might see.

This didn't seem like some kind of elaborate joke. Some of those girls had said and done some rather _wild_ things.

Could it be some kind of mass hypnosis, or an insidious jutsu performed by a group of enemy ninjas preparing to invade Konoha? He didn't know much about medicine, but wondered if the occurrence might be related to some kind of virus or something.

"The Medical Center!" He snapped his fingers, hitting upon the correct solution.

Naruto cursed as he flashed from one sight of concealment to another. Here he was, having to use Ninjutsu and Genjutsu skills in his own home village. Just what the hell had been going on around here during the past two years?

**Jiraiya hadn't mentioned reading anything strange in the communiqués.**

"Shit!"

He was already tired after his long walk. And, his rumbling stomach didn't give rat's ass about the way half of the populace was acting.

Feeling like a preschooler as he hid in one thick clump of bushes, Naruto scratched his head. Could this be **_Kyuubi's_** doing in some way? Was his seal weakening, allowing the bastard fox to work some kind of mischief? If _that_ were the case, he could be in for some big headaches!

_A pair of hands appeared in front of his face, then pulled the bushes apart._

"_Oh! _It's **you! **" It was the girl from before, the one he had bumped into shortly after arriving back I the village. "What I said about dating my own species?" She bit her lips, eyes half closed. "I can be _any_ species you want!!!" She got down on all fours and howled.

Before he knew it, a number of other women had zeroed in on him. It was those women with the bandanas. They had taken their head covering off. Along with just about everything else….

"Have something you want polished?" One said with a sultry wiggle of the hips. "I do windows," another said. "I do bushes too. _Wherever_ you want!"

Two women grabbed Naruto's ankles. Another pair went behind him and had his pull-over off before he knew it. Taking a deep breath of it, the woman began working on his belt.

"**_GEEEZ!!!_**" Naruto burst out of the shrubbery, one woman still clinging to his leg. Frantic, he used _Kage Bunshin _to hold the lust-crazed women at bay as he ran off.

Those women hadn't acted that way _before! _Just what could have happened since he passed them by earlier? Was he hallucinating? Could he be sick?

**There was even more reason to visit the Hospital now!**

Rushing ahead like a train off the tracks, the breathless ninja plowed through a group of men as he neared the building entrance. He had no time for apologies. If it wasn't a trick of his imagination, there was a wave of women approaching from one end of the village square.

In his great hurry, Naruto had ignored the _'Beware, wet floor' _signs posted around the entry hall. Sliding on the slick floor, he knocked over a number of men and one woman. At first angry, the woman soon underwent the by now familiar transformation. Security guards rushed to retrain her, by the time she was down to her bra and panties.

"**I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!**" The woman yelled to Naruto. The men in the room all turned and gave him a look of respect.

A group of three young trainees exited from one passageway, fresh from their routine check-ups.

Konohamaru had caught the last part of that scene.

"**_NARUTO!!!_**" He smiled, rushing to greet his friend. "Not only are your ninja skills good enough to rival me, but your talent with the ladies in amazing too. When I get older, I want to train with the Toad Hermit!!!"

"_Sh_…… _Sh_…… _Sh_…… She's almost _n-n-n-n_-naked…." Udon's eyes glazed over, looking at the woman being lead away.

"Hmmmm…… **_naked_**…." Moegi smiled at Naruto. Spinning her goggles around one arm, she tossed them to a slack-jaw Naruto. When she reached for her buttons, he took off again, heading for the main desk.

"I am Uzumaki Naruto! I have an emergency to report. I **_need_** to see Shizune or Tsunade _immediately!"_

Naruto slammed both hands down on the wooden desk top, displacing a pile of papers and making a coffee cup jump.

"I see. In a crisis, a calm and controlled head is the most important asset." The bored looking clerk looked up at Naruto. "If there had been some kind of injury, I will send out the next available team of medical ninjas. Please take a seat, and I will call you when they need your information."

"**NO!!!**" Naruto banged his hand down hard again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the woman come close to breaking free of the grasp of four burly men. "This _CANNOT_ wait! It could be a danger involving the entire village. For all I know, it could be some kind of **_plague_** or something!"

The clerk went pale. The other people waiting in various lies turned to look in Naruto's direction.

"Are…… are you certain…… are you being _serious _about this, sir?" The clerk tried to pick up his coffee, but his hand was shaking too much. He worried that Naruto had been exposed to whatever drastic illness he wanted to report.

**A kunai buried itself in the man's desk.**

"I…… I _see_…" The man reached over and toggled a red switch. He swallowed hard, putting his hand to his forehead, checking his temperature. "_S-S_-Someone will be with you soon…."

After a brief wait, Naruto saw a squad of medical ninjas running down one flight of stairs off of the main hall. They all wore protective suits and full facemasks with respirators. A number went to block all entrances and exits. The leader walked over to Naruto.

_It was Shizune._

"Naruto, are you the one reporting the epidemic?" Her eyes were very intense behind her face shield.

"Yes, but I wouldn't say it is an epidemic. That's up to **_you. _**I only came here to report what I saw. It's pretty widespread. Either there's something wrong with a lot of people, or _I'm_ going off the deep end…." Naruto watched as Shizune and other female medical staff stood near him. They showed no reaction.

That had him feeling somewhat relived.

**He was safe here.**

"Come with me," Shizune said. "I need to get the story from you in the isolation room. If you've been exposed to something, we need to limit its spread. You will need an examination as well."

Naruto followed her into a large simple room, one with multiple glass walls and a large drain in the center of the floor. When he was instructed to remove everything but his underwear, he did so with a suspicious look,

But, Shizune did not show any of the impulsive behavior the other women had, even though they were now alone. She had begun twitching every so slightly, though. That might just be the result of stress or something.

As Naruto told the medical ninja everything he had seen, he saw her shake her head a number of time, then blink rapidly. Before he knew it, she had taken off her respirator.

"_But_…." Naruto suddenly started feeling anxious again. "Shouldn't you…."

Shizune smiled, then ran her hand through her hair.

"We're going to need to perform an extensive examination," she said. "Neurological functions first. Muscle strength. I want you to wrap your arms around me, as tightly as you can…."

"Huh?" Naruto began to sweat.

Shizune began disrobing. "These might be contaminated," she said with a laugh.

"But…." Naruto began backing towards the door.

"On second thought, why don't you lay down on the examining table. There's another response I want to check. And, we will need to collect some samples…." Shizune winked.

"_Samples?" _Naruto turned, intending to run out of the room, clothes or no clothes.

Shizune smiled. He door was locked. Naruto didn't know the combination.

"Yes. **_Not_** blood, you had that drawn during your last check up. **_Not_** urine, since we tested that too. I was thinking…… _semen_…." She stretched, lithe like a big cat. "But, I don't have any containers. We'll just have to make do…."

"**WHAT?!!!**"

That did it!

_Naruto felt like a mouse trapped by a fox._

It didn't matter that he thought Shizune was cute, and had even fantasized about her in the past. He didn't care to reach his manhood in this situation.

**Then again….**

"_NO!" _That was said more for his own benefit. Even if it would be enjoyable, Naruto knew the bill would come due some day. Shizune likely would not be doing this without some weirdness going on. He could imagine how she would react if they….

Not caring about the damage he might cause, the perspiring shinobi formed Rasengan, and took down the door. Sweeping his clothes into a pile, he picked them up in his arms and ran from the room. He thought about grabbing a respirator, too. But, they obviously only worked so well, and he didn't want to go anywhere within Shizune's reach.

_The guards who came to check on the explosion were mainly women._

None of them had masks on.

"**_Crap!!!!_**"

More running. More dodging. Grappling. Escaping. Clones galore. Substitution jutsus.

Naruto must have run in and out of every room and hallway in the medical complex. Trying to dress as he ran, he lost his shoes and socks, but managed to hold onto everything else.

He was already in trouble as it was, no matter what explanation he gave. So, he finally decided to us a window. If it was locked, the building would need a new window.

"**OH-H-H-H**…… **NA-A-A-A**…… **_RU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U_**…… **TO-O-O-O**…."

Naruto actually trembled. It was Shizune again. He had a bite mark on his neck from her, having been ambushed in one room she had correctly predicted he would pass through.

Closing the door behind him and locking it, Naruto looked up, shocked once again. Not by the sound of running feet, or the banging on the other side of the door. The rooms had been shuffled around since his last visit.

Tsunade was looking up from a large scroll, a rather annoyed look on her face.

The room was very long and narrow, and her chair was at the far end, but she had **_no_** trouble realizing who had just barged into her office.

"_Naruto?" _She sighed, putting the parchment down. "Are you the cause of the ruckus I keep hearing?"

"Yes. I mean, **_no. _**It's not _my_ fault at all. You see….. all the women…… uhhh" he swallowed hard and tried to calm himself down. "You may want to open that window. It might be wise if you jump out…… but, if you don't, could you please move so that I can…."

Tsuande clenced her fists. That had Naruto's sphincter tightening, but he could deal with anger and irritation.

"Is there something **_wrong_** with you?" The Hokage asked. "Thinking a moment, she stabbed one finger at a button on her intercom. "Shizune," she spoke into the box.

_Naruto was acting to squirrelly for her liking._

"Yes?" That was Shizune's voice. It came from the other side of the door.

"**_JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?_**" Tsunade was not in the mood for jokes. She had not slept for two days, and had performed a difficult operation earlier in the morning. Aside from that, she had stacks of official memos to read, and a number of strategic decisions to make.

"Hey…… don't get mad at _me_….." Naruto swallowed hard, seeing Tsunade get up from her desk. Worse, she trembled a moment, then brought her hand to her head. He looked down at his bare feet, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

"I've got a bone saw!" A woman's voice said on the other side of the door. A buzzing noise started, and the hinges began vibrating.

"**I AM GOING TO PUT A STOP TO THIS INSANITY!**" The Hokage began walking towards the door. She stopped, ignoring the growing racket. Her eyes closed, then opened again. She smiled.

Naruto prayed that she would step to one side of the room or another, giving him a fighting chance to get to the window. A string of clones could reach his destination, then pull him out.

Sweat was practically pouring off him now. If this wasn't so unbelievable, he would suggest the happenings to Jiraiya as a storyline for his next book.

"So, Naruto……for what do I have the….. _pleasure_….. of this visit."

Naruto couldn't help but stare as Tsunade took of the robes she had been wearing, revealing a blouse with a deep V-shaped neck. Her two most obvious assets looked like they wanted to escape.

"The women of the village…… they have all been acting **_crazy_**……" Naruto couldn't tear his eyes way, no matter how hard he tried. Tsunade noticed, then took a deep breath and held it. "They…… uhhh…… keep chasing me and….. trying to take off my…."

"_Clothes?" _The Hokage loosened her top button. "I see nothing crazy about **_that_**."

"Not fair, Tsunade. I saw him _first!" _Shizune complained from the other side of the door. "This is **_my_** case!" There was a pause. "I _could_ use some assistance."

Naruto tried to dash past Tsunade, using a sudden group of clones as a scrum. She had no trouble dispatching all of them with a single finger. She held that finger up for Naruto to see. The nostalgia was lost on him at the moment.

"OK," Tsunade said. "But **_I'm_** lead surgeon. I'll start the operation, and let you finish." She stood right in front of Naruto now. Reaching out, the caressed the jewel hanging from his necklace. "Dan used to wear this," she purred. "Even when we made love…."

"But…… he…… the _memory_…." Naruto stammered, fleeing a jolt of electricity when Tsunade slid her hand over his chest, resting it below his waist.

"Is a very **_nice_** one," Tsunade said. "I can still remember the necklace hanging down from his neck. I thought I would never see that sight again. _Silly me_…." She nibbled on his ear.

Naruto dropped down, and jumped between her legs. He got up and sprinted for the window.

Tsunade raised one arm. Her desk and a number of huge bookshelves moved in front of the window. A moment later, the door was off of its hinges.

"This will be an **_A-class _**mission, Naruto." Tsunade began unbuttoning her pants. "I hope you don't fail me. There are times when a ninja is asked to give his body for the cause. If you die, I'll have a monument made in your honor…."

Just as the door hit the carpeted floor, Naruto formed one clone who took Tsunade in a fierce embrace, distracting her. Not waiting to see if the ploy worked, he ran for the far wall, forming Rasengan.

**He crashed through furniture and window, falling two stories to the street below.**

Naruto bounced hard, despite flipping neatly through the air and hitting feet first. There had been no time to choose the best angle or anything. Grimacing, he staggered a few steps before dealing with the pain.

Some water dripped ran down into his ye. He put his hand up, and it came away red. _Blood. _He must have cut his scalp on the glass.

"Are you OK, Naruto-kun?"

It was Hinata. Her voice had been sweet and timid. Biting her lips, she looked at the scratch at the top of Naruto's forehead. Then, her eyes narrowed and she smiled an eager smile.

"I'll kiss it and make it better," she breathed. "I'll kiss **_anything_**…."

_Naruto took off running again._


	3. Spiritual Possession?

The older temple lay straight ahead, up on top of a mossy knoll, surrounded by an old grove of cherry trees.

Naruto felt foolish going there, but he was at wits end, and was willing to try anything **_and_** everything.

Medicine hadn't worked. Well, he never _really_ had a chance to see if it would or not, since the chief medical personnel had all beeen women.

Hopefully, the temple personnel would be men. And, if by chance the strange happenings **_were_** somehow related to spirits and possession, then maybe the holy men could offer some kind of solution.

The architecture of the buildings was breathtaking. And, the serenity the garden offered _was so _very welcome. Edgy, he kept looking around, expecting some woman to come rushing at him from out of the mouth of the stone fountain…… from under one of the decorative stone tiles…… or from behind one of the sculpted shrubs.

"Have you come for the Okiyome, the cleansing and empowering?" A voice asked, seeming to come from behind a latticework of cedar. Holding his hand up to block the sun, Naruto still couldn't make out any form.

**He also couldn't tell if the voice were a man or not.**

"Yes…… I _think_ so…… I'm worried that the women in the town might be possessed by spirits or something!" Naruto felt silly saying that, but he couldn't see how it would hurt to do this.

"What makes you think this?" Another voice asked.

Naruto explained the way that the women had been reacting towards him.

_It sounded so unbelievable, even to him._

"It would seem unlikely that **_so many _**people would be inhabited by the spirits," a different voice said. "But, were _you _possessed, a spirit within you might be able to influence others that way."

"Really?" Naruto suddenly felt hopeful. "Is there something you can do to help me?"

"Yes, **_if_** you are willing to go through the ritual cleansing and exorcism. We will use salt, water, and fire." The fourth voice said. "As we begin to chant the sacred hidden words, you must throw salt into the pool, then disrobe. _After_ cleansing yourself in the pool, make your way over to the fire at the center of the shrine. Drink the glass you see there. Throw the incense pellets on the brazier. Lay down on the mat there and close your eyes."

"Ok…" Naruto swallowed hard. He began to wonder if possession actually took place.

**He also worried that the ritual might somehow release Kyuubi.**

"But, _whatever you do_, keep your eyes **_closed_** when you recline near the flame!" A fifth voice was very insistent. "Your very soul may be at risk…."

"I will!" Naruto did what he had been instructed to do, step by step. He set his clothes out of the way, not wanting them to get all wet again. At one point, when he looked, they were gone.

He still didn't realize exactly what happened, or that his clothes were far more saturated with Shino's solution than his skin had been.

As he lay naked on the mat, Naruto suddenly thought that he would be very vulnerable like he was.

_If any of the girls had followed him…_

He was tempted to open his yes, but didn't. This was a _temple. _He should be safe here. Somehow, he felt incredibly mellow, even drowsy.

He heard giggling. Why would priest or monks giggle? Still, he kept his eyes shut.

**He could hear footsteps approaching.**

There was the sound of fabric sliding over something. _What was going on? _Naruto had no idea, not being one who usually visited shrines or temples. It took great willpower, but he kept his eyes shut.

"Now, it is time for the Wild Horse Leaps!" It was a woman's voice.

Naruto opened his eyes. He was surrounded by five naked or near naked women. One fairly attractive woman was on her back, feet in the air, her bottom almost touching him. Another had her hand reaching towards his….

"**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!**"

"You weren't suppose to look!" One girl cried, her breasts bouncing.

"_Ooooooh! _Now you'll ruin **_everything!_**" A second girl said, stamping her foot, her cute face flushed.

"We're going to assist you through a position written about in the _Ishimpo_, a thousand year old text. The position is called the **_Wild Horse Leaps._**" The third woman looked at the prone woman with envy. She untied the silken robe she wore and let it fall to the marble floor.

"Huh?" Naruto's skin was tingling all over. These women weren't _all_ grabbing for him, but he knew they were **_not _**on the up and up. They were naked. As he spoke, his eyes wandered the room, looking for his clothes.

'**Take your time' his inner self seemed to say to him.**

He wondered if the incense in the room was drugged. But, did it really matter….

"The _second_ chakra point is the chakra point of _sensuality, sexuality, _and_ pleasure. _It is also the chakra point of emotions. When is it unblocked, this allows for the free flow of emotional, sensual, and creative energy throughout your body. " The fourth woman, a beauty with long dark hair, licked her lips and moved her hips in a tempting motion. She took out and ivory comb and began working on her hair.

Naruto reacted physically, for the second time that day. Realizing that, he began to feel anxious again. He sat up and placed his hands over his privates.

"_Ahhhh_, he is ready for the Tantra," the fifth woman said.

"The **_what?_**" Naruto was about to make a run for it, clothes or no clothes. But, he wanted to know what that word meant.

"Rati…."

"Esoteric rituals rooted in Hindu and Buddhaist philosophy," Rati told Naruto, winking. She gestured for him to move his hands. "Sexual intercourse is not at all a part of **_all _**tantric practice, but it is the definitive feature of **_left-hand Tantra. _**As the _Yoni Tantra_ states: 'there should be vigorous copulation.'"

**That had all of the ladies giggling. **

"Kupalo…."

"There are _three_ types of Tantric Sex: _White_, _Gray_, and _Black_." Kupalo looked down at Naruto and rubbed her hands together.

"Korawini…."

"White Tantra **_never_** ejaculates **_nor_** reaches orgasm in order to _awaken_ consciousness." Korawini wound her long lustrous black hair around her fingers.

"Sukkamielli…."

"Gray Tantra elongates the sexual act, and **_sometimes _**concludes with orgasm and ejaculation, but _without_ any longing towards awakening consciousness." Succamielli moaned quietly, laying on her back.

Naruto didn't know whether to high tail it out of there or thank his lucky stars.

"Black Tantra **_always_** concludes with orgasm and ejaculation in order to awaken consciousness. It is said that White Tantra awakens consciousness to the absence of desire, while Black Tantra awakens consciousness _into _desire." The fifth holy woman, who named herself Aidin, told Sukkamielli to ready herself.

Naruto swallowed hard.

**His anxiety level was going off the scale. **

"We do not know which might suit you best," Rati said.

"So, we will need to try them _all!" _Kupalo tried to look serene, but failed. Pointing at Aidin, she said "You promised! I get to go second!"

"**_SHIT!!!_**"

Naruto jumped up and began to sprint. He cursed himself. There he was, with five eager women, and he was running like a scared child. He knew, at that moment, that he would never ever be in that kind of situation again.

_But, this wasn't some dream or fantasy. _

Leaping over one long table, he spied his clothing. Grabbing it, he crashed through the latticework, splashed through the pool, and knocked over the bowl of salts.

He had never gotten to the fire part of the purification.

**Nevertheless, he felt hot all over.**

Jiraiya would _kill_ to be in his shoes. But if he told his master this story, he wouldn't believe a word of it!

"Get him! Get him!"

The women were **_not _**giving up. He ran through shrubbery and low vegetation, crossing his fingers and hoping there wasn't any Poison Ivy around.

After reaching one of the more densely populated area of the village, Naruto began to feel a little less anxious. Those sex-crazed temple workers likely wouldn't follow him **_this_** far. _However, _the more people there were around him, the more women there would be.

For a while, he experimented.

He found out it **_wasn't_** his appearance that set girls off. Even when he walked around in his _Sexy No Jutsu _form… looking a bit odd in his usual clothing… the women chased after him. Similarly, no matter how many clones he made and sent running, everyone gravitated to _him._

"Naruto! _Wait! _I need to talk with you!"

It was Shino. He waved for Naruto's attention. There was not sign of Kiba or Akamaru this time. And, fortunately, Hinata wasn't with him.

"Hey, Shino! This has been a very **_weird_** day!" Naruto still wondered if he might be dreaming. Then again, nothing in his dreams was ever this crazy, or had this much detail.

"That's what I---" Shino was knocked aside by a woman in an ANBU mask.

She slid to a stop near Naruto, paying no attention to the shinobi she had just bumped into. Hand reaching for Naruto, she tried to use an immobilizing technique. Just a touch of violet-colore hair could be seen beyond the mask.

Bugs began streaming out of Shino's shirt sleeves. A huge mass of them headed for the ninja struggling with Naruto.

Naruto prepared to assist Shino, but would have to wait what his friend had to say. He had been wrong. There **_had_** been someone following after him.

He had been sloppy, figuring he wasn't being tracked by ninjas.

"Come back beautiful stranger!" That was a girl's voice. Rati's! "There's so much we can try! _The Soaring Butterfly!"_

The near naked girl shoved one man out of the way, sending him tumbling down an ivy-covered embankment,

"Yes. And _Seagulls on the Wing!" _That was Korawini.

Wearing nothing more than a flimsy robe, she slammed into a man, causing him to drop a large stack of papers he had been carrying carefully. He slid down a mossy slope while his papers floated to the ground.

"_Splitting a Bamboo!" _Kupalo was there too. "Or, _The Dragon Turns."_

The young temple hand had taken the time to grab a kimono. But, she was no less eager than her fellow women. Two men, one with a walker, were sent to the bottom of as koi pond a few terraced levels below.

"I've read '**_The Perfumed Garden!'_**" Sukkamielli claimed loudly.

She was still totally nude. The remaining men on that walkway might have taken time to admire her form if they weren't leaping out of the way, intent on avoiding serious injury.

"_I've _got a copy of the '**_Aananga-Ranga'_**…." Aidin was closing the fastest of all of them. She ignored the man with the camera who was putting on his zoom lens.

Naruto began running again. This was getting _ridiculous! _No, there was no term that did it justice. It was far beyond 'messed up!'

Part of him wanted to throw his self on the mercies of the beautiful women racing towards him. But, it was hard to think of being amorous when one's fight or flight response was going full bore. Besides, even though none of this was likely **_his_** fault, there was no doubt that _most_ if not _all_ of the women would end up blaming him some how.

**That was bad enough.**

He didn't want to spend the rest of his life running and hiding from jilted suitors and jealous boyfriends.

_Akatsuki was more than enough for him to worry about!_

Taking a few of the stone steps at a time, he sped down an old crumbling stairwell, sliding along the metal railing for the last twenty yards of do. Landing, he saw two large groups of women on either side of him.

**Before he knew it, they were all charging.**

"I can't take much more of this!"

Almost driven to the point where he was ready to use Justus to defend himself, Naruto caught sight of possible salvation. It was Choji, walking on his own.

"Hey, Choji! A little help!" He ran to see his rotund and cheerful friend.

"**Ah! **Naruto! Want to get something to _eat?" _Choji didn't have any of his trademark chip bags out. "We can hit one of the food shops, _too."_

"_No time!" _Naruto said breathlessly. "Those women are all after me. I need your help." He took out his frog purse, opened it, and poured the contents out onto the street. "Do you like bowling? If you _do_, you could knock them down with your _Nikudan Sensha. _Then, the money is yours. Have a nice meal, **_my_** treat."

Those words, and the prospect of a free meal, hit the Choji even harder than the pheromones were hitting the women. His eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared. His mouth curved into a large flat grin.

Not wanting to risk standing still any longer than he had to, Naruto rushed off, wishing he could stay and watch the spectacle. He hoped that his friend wouldn't get in trouble for it.

But, he had his hands full.

Rounding one corner, he just missed being run over by a large horse driven cart stacked with large barrels. The vehicle was moving at a fast pace, and was been managed by two women in agriculture overalls.

The two of them swore at him at first, making obscene gestures. But, they were _no less _susceptible than the other women had been. Jumping off of their seats and given chase, they left their wagon to the vagaries of fate.

Spooked by the sight of Choji rolling by in _Meat Tank _form, the horses took off. Bumping over the curb, the wagon dislodged barrel after barrel. The huge wooden containers rolled down the street, knocking over the tables and chairs lining the avenue…… enraging a number of oxen…… and precipitating other sorts of havoc.

Squeezing his way through the narrow space between two old brick buildings, Naruto happened upon a private scene just as he stepped out into a small communal garden.

**Sitting on a bench together were Ino and Shikamaru.**

Naruto couldn't risk going back the way he came. If he got down on all fours and crawled between two rows of low hedges, he _might_ be able to get past them without being seen. But, he had to hurry, just in case those wagoneers picked up his trail.

Slowly, he moved forward, hearing every word his friends said to one another.

"Temari has proven _very_ bothersome," Shikamaru said with a sigh. "She is _too_ demanding, and keeps trying to make me more…… **_active_**."

"Oh…… I _see_…." Ino said, a slight catch in her voice.

"I do **_not_** need a troublesome woman in my life. But, it _was_ surprisingly nice to have…… someone of the feminine persuasion around…." Naruto could guess what Shikamaru was thinking.

"_Was?" _Ino spoke louder than she had intended. "I mean…… aren't the two of you…."

"No. At least I **_think_** not. I have _not_ completely made my decision yet. I have considered another possibility. If it works out, I would have no more need for a long distance relationship." Shikamaru sounded as if he were discussing a mission, but Naruto noticed the strange inflection in his friend's voice."

Ino did as well.

"**REALLY?**" She coughed after saying that. "I mean, _so_ sad. Terrible, actually. She seemed like such a … _nice_… girl…." She paused, then pushed on, speaking quickly. "So what **_is_** this possibility?"

"_Ahhhh. _Do I need to spell it out then? I would have hoped it would be obvious, due to mutual feelings." He pulled a flower off of nearby wild rose, then sighed loudly. "That it troublesome. My apologies. No doubt you have someone _else_. If that is the case, perhaps I will remain with Temari. I will _not_ see two women, just as I would not wish to see a girl who had _another_ man."

"**Oh! _No! _**I don't have anyone else….." Ino began twitching a bit. She shook her head. "Believe me, you are the only one I've ever _really_…." She stood up, looking around the garden area, pushing away a vine on the nearby trellis.

"If we _were_ a couple, I would **_never_** be unfaithful…." She ignored the blossom he held out to her. The fingers on one hand trembled.

Without warning, Ino jumped up from the bench. She took a few steps back, then hurdled the structure, knocking the trellis off of its supports. With a wordless cry, she flung herself over a row of hedges.

When Naruto managed to get to his feet, the girl was hanging all over him, planting kiss after kiss on his face.

"Uhhh…… _hello_, Shikamaru…… this is **_not_** what it looks like…." Performing the substitution technique, he left Ino kissing shrubbery.

Naruto saw the disgusted look on Shikamaru's face, just before he began running again. Ino made her way to her feet, only to be pushed down by the two ladies from the wagon.

"Later!"

Rooftops. Alleyways. Back woods. Even steam tunnels. Naruto went wherever he thought he had the best chance of being alone. He contemplated leaving the city, but felt he _still _had a responsibility to find out what was going on.

**Maybe things would settle down after a while.**

He wondered if Shino had the answer. His friend had seemed determined to tell him something.

_Wait a minute…._

The bottle! Could it be something in the bottle Shino had dropped? If it was, he could just take a shower and….

No. He had _already _bathed, then lay naked on the mat at the temple.

"Damn!"

He was disappointed. That would have made for a very neat solution. In any case, the most important thing he could do was keep moving. He would also try to piece together the puzzle, even though he had been unable to get the answers he needed form the medical and spiritual communities.

**Maybe if he could find Kakshi, Gai, Asuma, or Iruka….**

Naruto found himself wishing that Jiraiya had accompanied him. Maybe his sensei would have had the answer. At the very least, he could have left the duty of discovery with his teacher, then fled from Konoha.

Pulling at his lip, and trying to loosen up a cramp in one leg, Naruto looked across one of the village squares. He would have to cross a fair distance before reaching the relative safety of the nearest forest area.

There was a buzzing noise coming from the shop to his left. He looked in through the open window, seeing all sorts of intricate and colorful designs posted on the wall.

_It was a tattoo parlor._

"Wait…… Miss…… I'm **_not _**finished yet…." The man's voice went up an octave.. "And please, use the door, **_not_** the window…."

Naruto jumped when a dagger suddenly sliced away the window screen. The dark-haired woman who pulled herself out into the alley was all too familiar.

Anko.

She wore a part length top and a tight pair of shorts. On one arm, up near the shoulder, there was a tattoo of a heart with a kunai through it. Underneath were the words:

**Killing is My Business**

**And Business is Go**

The last word was obviously meant to be 'good,' but hadn't been completed.

"_Hmmmmmm. _It's **_you_**…." Anko licked her lips, then took out her knife. "I remember you…."

Naruto looked to run, but a large group of ladies dressed in livery were walking past. He recognized some from their role as serving women at one of the larger eating establishments.

"Three years ago…… at the chuunin exams…… you were **_very _**curious…… maybe there's something I can _teach _you…." Anko licked her dagger. "I'm not on duty until tomorrow…."

Naruto held up his hands. He needed to buy some time.

"Uhhh…… nice tattoo…… but it doesn't look finished…. and…… _well_…."

**Anko grinned, then took a few steps towards him.**

"I've got throwing needles. _They'll_ do. We can find some ink. You can finish it for me…… when we're done…."

_The man inside threw a near empty bottle of ink out of his window, cursing and telling Anko to never return. _

She smiled, picking up the bottle. "Per-r-r-r-r-r-r-fect…." She laughed abruptly, causing Naruto to start sweating. "I can do one for you, too. How about _'Sex God.' _I know **_just_** the right place…."

"B-B-But…." Naruto felt as if he had been reduced to a babbling idiot. He could only imagine what it might feel like if the jounin tried to tattoo his….

"Ohhhh…… don't be **shy**…." Anko used the dagger to cut one of her shoulder straps. "I cut you outside of the Forest of Death, _didn't_ I" She reached out and touched Naruto's cheek "Wel-l-l-l-l_…… you _can do that to _me_, if it makes you feel better…." She slid the blade under her remaining strap.

**Naruto took off again.**

Escaping from Anko proved difficult and nerve-wracking. There was nothing she wouldn't do to capture him, regardless of collateral damage.

Naruto had no idea how many civilians and ninja trainees might end up in the hospital today. He _did_ know that the civic workers would be bringing out the carcass wagon to haul away two oxen and a horse that had been in the crazed jounin's path.

He had never seen an ox explode before. It was a sight he could have done without.

Good fortune found him in the form of an ANBU squad. The men in that team were able to restrain the women long enough for him to gain needed distance. The women, breaking free, fought with Anko, not wanting her to reach the fleeing Naruto first..

"**_YOU CAN WEAR MY MASK!!!!_**" One of the girls had shouted, just before being tackled.

Using his kunai to pry open one of the small vents of the _Village Library, _Naruto took on the form of a small fox, just to spite Kyuubi. Crawling quietly through old dusty ductwork, he made his way to one of the large rooms filled with stack after stack of books and scrolls.

There _might_ be some clue to all the strange goings on. If this was a mass hysteria, or some form of powerful jutsu, maybe he could find some reference of a similar occurrence.

Back in his normal form, he tiptoed around, trying to keep from being seen or heard by any of the people huddled over stacks of paper at the various tables. Not to far away, one young woman stood up abruptly, knocking her chair over. The noise sounded like an explosion in that quiet area.

"**SHHHHHHHHHHHHH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H!!!**"

Naruto could see a middle aged woman at the end of one of the aisles. She wore glasses, and had her hair up in a bun.

_No doubt she was the head librarian._

Leafing through an index file, Naruto heard a number of heavy chairs scrape against the floor, making an ungodly racket. The movement he saw through the stacks of books suggested women's bodies. That had him beginning to sweat. He would need to work as fast as he could.

"**SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H!!!!**"

Pulling out some books on mass-jutsus, he frowned as he read. There were too many technical descriptions and not enough historical context. Nothing seemed similar to the problem he was faced with.

"Out of my way!" One woman's voice said. "No, _you_ get out of _my_ way!" The second woman didn't seem eager to comply. "Move it you bitches!" A third woman groaned after a solid thumping noise. Soon, there were the sounds of a vicious struggle.

"**SHHHHHHHHHHHHH. **This is a library. There will be _no_ shouting…."

The librarian herself was standing now. She undid her hair and unbuttoned her shirt. Taking out a pocket mirror, she redid her lipstick.

Naruto tried book after book with no success. Feeling anxious, he ran quickly to a stack of scrolls further away from the librarian.

_He was running out of time._

"This is convenient!"

Naruto jumped. He knocked a dozen or so scrolls down, watching as they rolled out into plain view of the woman at the desk.

"**SHHHHHHHHHHHH. **What is going on over there?" There was the sound of a chair moving.

Looking to his left, Naruto saw Kurenai, a large scroll rolled open on the pedestal in front of her.

"I found Hinata crying earlier," Kuernai said, an intense look on her face. "When I asked her what was wrong, the only word I could make out was _'Naruto-kun.' _What did you do to her?" She began walking towards Naruto, letting the scroll roll up.

Naruto began backing away. He knew that would bring him closer to the other women, but he was more concerned about dealing with another jounin.

"I didn't do _anything_…." Naruto raised his hands. "Don't come any closer…."

"Did you hurt her feelings?" Kurenai asked, her mouth forming a severe frown. She shivered a moment, but kept walking.

"**No!**" Naruto said.

"Did you try to _touch _her?" Kurenai asked, closing her eyes and smiling.

"**No! **Not once!" Naruto shook his head.

"_Good! _I'm the jealous type…." Kurenai licked her lips.

"**_OH SHIT!_**" Naruto began to run.

The librarian stood in front of him, hands on her hips.

"**SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!**" She looked very angry, but only for a moment. Then she too had a dreamy look. "**OH, TO HELL WITH THAT. _LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE, PRETTY BOY!!!"_**

Kurenai stepped out behind Naruto. "I don't think so. I saw him first!"

But, the librarian was not he only competition. The other women had tracked down Naruto as well. One wore a judge's robe. Another looked to be wearing the robes of a very wealthy family. The third was a member of the City Council.

Before Naruto managed to slide his way out of that situation, book racks were falling like dominoes, and women were fighting like cats and dogs.

Maybe **_he should _**leave the village.

_There might be nothing left standing at this rate._

Actually, that wasn't such a bad idea. It didn't look like he was going to be able to figure things out on his own. Even if he did, what was the chance that he could reverse things or find some kind of cure?

No.

While that was **_all_** true, if anyone saw him running out of the village, they might certainly hold him to blame for the things going on. Who knows how much time and effort it would take to erase _that _misnomer!

There was a better way. He could hide out in one of the small emergency shacks at the top of the stone Hokage faces, or wander through the less-traveled areas of the forest like he had previously planned on doing.

Making his way to one of the lesser used training areas, he climbed one of the tallest trees, remembering how he, Sakura, and Sasuke had trained to do so, applying chakra to the bottom of their feet. It was a pleasant memory, blunting the edge of some of the less enjoyable feelings he felt now.

Pushing aside some leaves at the crown of the tree, he sighed. There were birds flying. He became even more nostalgic, remembering the chuunin exams. Neji had called himself a _Bird In a Cage. _But, Naruto's actions had freed him.

Now, with everything going on, Naruto felt as if he were in a cage of sorts. Why did things always seem to happen to _him?_

"I doesn't really matter!" He told himself. Then he smiled. Whatever difficulties he faced, he would make it through.

**It was his Ninja Way.**

'A Proud Loser' Hinata had once called him, before helping him regain the confidence needed to fight her cousin. He didn't much care for the loser part, but she had a point.

He would get by.

The thought of Hinata had him shaking his head. He had run into her _twice_ that day. The first time was obviously a coincidence. What about the second time? Had she been looking for him?

"Nah!"

The effects on women all seemed temporary. Ino seemed normal again, when she with Shikamaru. At least until he had gotten too close. And, he had seen no further signs of Sakura, Ten Ten, Shizune, Tsunade, or any of the younger shinobi.

Maybe he couldn't been trailed by scent. The temple girls had likely been able to keep an eye on him as he ran.

There was a very subtle rustle of leaves. Most people wouldn't have paid any attention. It might just be a squirrel or a pair of birds quarrelling over a perch.

**Naruto prepared to flee.**

A head popped out through the leaves.

"Naruto-kun…."

Stepping backward, Naruto paid no attention to his footing. He began to fall. Did he have time to make a clone chain to keep from being seriously hurt?

A small form flashed from tree to tree, then knocked him onto one of the lowest branches. It was Hinata.

"Uhhh…… thanks, Hinata…."

Naruto didn't know if he should thank her or blame her. Furthermore, he wondered if he should start running.

"Y-You're welcome, N-Naruto-kun." Hinata smiled, then blushed, twiddling her fingers. She didn't instantly go all googly-eyed and jump on Naruto, a fact that had him cautiously relieved.

**Maybe things were getting back to normal....**

She bit her lip, then spoke in a quiet voice. As she did, she began twitching.

"Not too far from here, I was standing by the posts. I saw you go past. I remembered what you said to me once, in a similar place. Y-You….. y-you said…… y-you said that I was someone that you could _like_…."

Hinata's breathing became quicker. She wanted to leave, but was a slave to her libido, and the pheromones.

Naruto swallowed hard. That memory had him nervous at the moment, but for an entirely different reason.

"Y-Yes…" he answered, wondering what Hinata wanted. "I did say that once…."

As the white-eyed girl moved a little closer, her eyes narrowed. Her transformation was no longer subtle. She ran her hands down along her side, then cupped both under her breasts.

**The words came haltingly, but came just the same.**

"N-N-Naruto-k-k-kun…." Hinata couldn't stop herself. "Y-You…… y-you…… y-you stud!"

_Naruto fell backwards off of his branch._


	4. Escape!

The wind whistled through the long drain pipe, making a haunting and forlorn sound.

Walking to the end, Naruto looked over the edge, seeing the village below him. Everything looked peaceful from up here.

He was near the top of the great cliff, not far from the first of the carven Hokage faces. Risking life and limb, he had slid down the hillside, then caught the lip of the pipe with one hand.

**Shaking his head, he laughed when he found he was still quivering.**

That had been too close. He never knew that Hinata was so **_fast_**…… or so persistent. He also _never_ would have expected that she would know what half of those words meant!

_Boy, when she came to her senses, would she be embarrassed._

If she told Kurenai what she had done, the jounin would probably blame **_him_** somehow. He would end up a good bit worse off than _'embarrassed.' _He just hoped it wouldn't be _'emasculated.'_

"_**Geeeez!!!**"_

Sighing, he prepared to hold a spirited debate with himself. One possible option? He could make his way down to the village, then try to sneak past as many women as possible while trying to get into see one of the male Elders. The other option? He could stay up here for a while.

Checking his pouch, he smiled when he found a number of bars of _Trail Food. _He could last a day or two with **_those_** provisions. It might get rather cold up here at night, however. _That_ would be a problem.

He couldn't make a fire at the far end of the pipe…… there wasn't enough ventilation there. And, he couldn't make one up at this end…… someone would see it at night….

He saw a number of small rocks fall past his vantage point. Then, a steady trickle followed.

"_**Ahhhh Shit!"**_

Someone must have seen him. Who was it **_this _**time. His money was on Hinata. He had thought that she seemed to give up too easily.

He ran towards the far end of the pipe. When he reached the vertical portion, he shimmied up a little at a time. Eventually he reached a large storm grate. Pushing with all of his might, he couldn't budge it.

_No matter._

Using a jutsu to break off the metalwork and a rim of rock around it, he prepared to leave. First, he decided to use his head some. Holding his chakra together, he lifted a larger slab of rock and covered the opening with it.

Ha!

_Let's see whoever was following move that anytime soon!_

It was no time to gloat, however. Maybe the presumed girl following him couldn't reach him any time soon, but **_others_** could. The pair of Rangers walking look-out along the cliff edge saw him. At first they were very authoritative before they underwent the usual changes.

The game of fox and hound they played was a dangerous one, as the trail they ran along often veered **_very_** close to the cliff edge at spots. But, even as tired as he was, Naruto was shinobi and they were _not._

**He could have chosen his techniques better, though. **

Feeling exasperated, he had reacted out of anger and spite. Pulling water from a nearby stream, he had performed _Suiton, Suiryuudan no Jutsu, _drenching the amorous women from head to toe. If their infatuation died down, they might **_still_** have reason to apprehend him.

Roaming though a stretch of woods after losing his pursuers, Naruto came across another scene involving a pair of his friends.

_It was Neji and Ten Ten_.

"I gave thought to what you said." Neji paced back and forth, as if he were troubled by something. "There **_is _**more to life than training and growing stronger." He tensed up some. "I'm just not certain if I am willing to trust anyone that much yet."

"Do you think that I might break your heart? Or, are you worried that I might betray you somehow, the way you once thought that the Main family had?" Ten Ten walked around picked up sickles, kunai, and other weapons they had been practicing with.

"I'm not sure. I have grown to respect my uncle. I make an effort to train Hinata. I do not resent Hanabi being the heir. I have even formed strong friendships. So, I know that change is possible. But…." Neji looked up at the trees. Using Byakugan, he tried to determine the number of birds.

"Neji, all I can say is **_watch_** me. Watch how I act around you. Watch my face around you. That should give you the only answers you really need." Ten Ten stopped, looking in the direction from which Naruto came.

Naruto slowly tried to creep away, without being detected. He had already messed up one personal encounter today.

"I….. I will risk it then…… I will judge your sincerity by the way you act…." Neji grinned, causing Ten Ten to smile happily.

**Someone walked into view.**

It was Hinata again. How had she gotten out of that drain pipe? Did she climb back up the cliff face? Was that her causing the rocks to fall?

"Brother Neji…… Ten Ten…… have you seen Naruto?" Hinata glanced around the area, causing Naruto to flatten his back against a large sycamore tree. "I keep acting strangely around him today and…… I _ummm_…… I want to…… I **_need_** to apologize to him…… otherwise he might…… he might _hate_ me…."

Ten Ten shook her head. She didn't want to remember her own strange behavior. Especially with Neji standing right there.

"I do **_not_** judge Naruto to be the type to hate anyone unnecessarily," Neji said. "The reason that I find myself caring for T---" Neji sighed, looking at Ten Ten. "The reason I find myself with a meaningful life is because of his good heart. The same can be said of your life too, Hinata. Do not worry for the sake of being worried."

Picking up a shuriken, Ten Ten fingered a small plant. It was recently broken. The footprint near it was not her own, or one of Neji's.

She caught Hinata's eye and pointed to her finding. Hinata nodded, then made a hand signal to Neji. The two of them moved two locations that allowed sufficient overlap, then performed Byakuga.

"_Naruto?" _Neji asked. He knew that someone was there.

"There he is!" It was the two Rangers. They had brought along a number of other women, the bunch of them spread out in a long sweeping line.

"Yeh….. Hey, Neji…… I wish I could stay and talk, _but_…." Naruto was soon surrounded, though the women in uniforms were still a good distance away.

**Even worse, the Rangers all began blowing whistles.**

"_Naruto-kun! _" Hinata first stepped behind a tree, then gathered up her courage and walked towards Naruto. She was fidgeting even more than usual, and stopped every few steps.

Neji began walking over too, as did Ten Ten.

"Are these people enemies, Naruto?" Neji frowned, looking at the Rangers as they began running. He took up his fighting stance.

"_Well-l-l-l-l_…… no…." Naruto said, trying to laugh. "Let's just say some weird shit has been going on today…." He looked at Ten Ten and Hinata, swallowing hard.

_If they got too much closer. _

"Let's just say there's been a **_misunderstanding_**…." He thought a moment. "I would be grateful if you could delay them a while…."

He had hoped that Hinata and Ten Ten would stop walking closer, then volunteer to help.

**No such luck.**

In fact, the two of them started smiling slyly. While they couldn't actually smell anything, the _vomeronasal_ _organ_ in their noses had picked up the windborne pheromones.

"You can come back with **_me_**, Naruto-kun. Father and Hanabi are off on business." Once again, Hinata seemed to be at odds with herself. She was aghast at the words she spoke.

"We can be alone…… _all night_…." Hinata ran her hand through her hair. "What do you like for breakfast?" She jerked, but couldn't get herself to stop.

_Neji looked shocked._

"Uhhh…… Neji…." Naruto was very concerned. If he ran, the two girls would likely follow. He had waited too long. "I think it would be **_wise_** for you to hold Ten Ten there…." He cursed under his breath. It was a good idea, but it sounded funny. In any case, he soon realized that he was too late.

"I don't understand…." Nei now looked puzzled.

"He **_won't_** be going anywhere withy _you_, small fry!" Ten Ten said, smirking at Hinata. "He'll be coming with _me. _We can't go to my parent's house," she said, staring at Naruto. "But I have **_more_** than enough money for a hotel room…."

"It's not what they r-e-a-l-l-y mean, Neji…." Naruto held up his hands.

**Hinata clenched her fists.**

"You will do nothing with **_my_** Naruto-kun. Content yourself with my cousin. _That_ is where your affection should lie!"

"_Ha! _You **_don't _**own Naruto. And Neji certainly doesn't own _me. _Let's have Naruto decide who he'll sleep with…. unless you're ready for a match…. winner take all…."

Naruto's jaw fell open. It was no surprise that women were fighting over him again; but Ten Ten's choice of words had him feeling like his legs had turned to jelly.

_Neji glowered at Ten Ten, then began walking away._

"It's **_not_** what they truly mean, Neji…." Naruto's comments seemed to fall on deaf ears.

He suddenly went ramrod stiff, listening. He heard the barking of dogs. The Rangers had called for Konoha's canine squad. If the current batch of animals had been trained by the Inuzuka clan, then he was in trouble.

**He couldn't delay any longer, trying to diffuse the situation.**

For the umpteenth time that day, he ran. Everything seemed a blur. There were Rangers. There were slavering hounds. There were trees, gravel paths, roads, and the every growing crowd.

Not able to make his way to the Gate, Naruto had no choice but to lose his pursuers in the Konoha populace.

_But that meant…._

Desperate, Naruto decided it might be good to have someone hide him for a while. That person could keep a look-out for him, **_and_** prevent any woman from coming to close too his place of concealment.

Darting about the various areas of the village, he had no success at first. He had wanted to reach Kakashi or one of the other older guys, but that hadn't panned out. It turned out that most of them had left on separate missions.

Risking capture by staying out in the open so long, Naruto stopped by Choji's home, Lee's apartment, Shino's place, and Kiba's house. **_None_** of them had been home. Kiba's _sister_ had been around, however, and had set all of the family dogs out to slow him down That had been a rather hectic chase until he reached a part of the village with trees and closely set buildings.

After the scene with Ino, he wouldn't stop by Shikamaru's.

Knocking on the back door of one shop, then ducking down to hide behind a row of dumpsters, Naruto kept looking around while he waited for an answer. He banged even louder, feeling exposed.

**The door opened.**

"Young man, what are you doing down there. Are you alright? Do you need a doctor?" Mr. Ikabachi scratched his head, wondering why one of his best customers from years past hadn't simply used the front door of the noodle shop.

"N-No… no doctors!" Naruto shook his head. "Can I come in? _I need help!"_

"_Well_…." The man wiped his greasy hand off on his apron, then put a large ladle down on a counter just inside the door. "If you are **_not_** in any trouble with the authorities."

"I'm not," Naruto said, uncertain if that were exactly true, given the state he had left the medical facilities in, and the run-in with the Rangers. "Is your daughter Ayame here today?" Naruto had his fingers crossed.

"No, she isn't" Mr. Ikabachi said. "Here, come on in…… I'll get you a nice bowl of Ramen…."

"Thank you." Naruto walked into the shop, relieved.

**Finally, a bit of good fortune!!!**

"Mei…… _Mei, _I need a bowl of noodles back here…."

Naruto froze. Mei?

"OK, uncle!" It was a girl's voice.

"Ayame's cousin will bring you the Ramen. She's a cute girl. Doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment…." The shop owner smiled.

Naruto flinched, hearing the sound of broken ceramics. A bowl and noodles lay at the feet of a young woman, an apron barely hiding her attractive figure. Her eyes blinked rapidly.

_Then she grinned._

"I see something on the menu that **_I _**want!" She quickly moved to block the rear door. "Uncle, the young man and I need to be _alone_. There's cooking to do!"

"Mei? _Cooking? _The stoves are in the **_other_** room…." Mr. Ikabachi scowled, rubbing his chin.

"**NOW, UNCLE!!!**"

"Thanks anyway!" Naruto waved as he jumped through one door and then did a body roll over a long bank of burners and a huge grate-work grill. Landing on his feet, he cursed, seeing the long line of people snaking its way back from the counter, blocking the front door.

A woman was at the cashier, ordering. She pointed at Naruto.

"**I'LL HAVE _THAT! _**"

Her request was soon echoed by the other women in line.

Naruto knew that he would be in seriously trouble, should he do **_anything_** that hurt the women. _Especially,_ since there were numerous witnesses, many of whom could be friends or significant others. But, if he**_ didn't_** resist, he could be taken down like an antelope by lionesses.

"_Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!"_ Exerting his will, he used his chakra to the utmost. Soon, there were more Naruto copies than there were customers. "If you will…… everyone pick a lady…… and move her out of the way…… _gently_…."

A number of women forcibly kissed the clones, causing them to vanish. Realizing they had been tricked, they grew even more determined, but there were plenty of clones to make up the difference.

Shirt torn, and his belt snapped in half, Naruto made it to the street and began running like a man possessed. He realized that the faster he ran, the less likely that nearby women would have a reaction. No, that was **_not_** necessarily true. It was less likely that he would be at the precise spot when they _did_ react.

Moving stealthily from rooftop to roof top, he had time to catch his breath. Women on the street below were slowly going through the changes, _but_ they seemed unable to pinpoint his location. When one lady stepped out onto her veranda and caught sight of him, her lustful shout gave him away.

Dropping down to the street, he began flashing from site to site, outrunning most of the trouble. He stopped at one point, when he heard a dog barking. He wasn't _usually_ able to tell dogs by their noise; but, somehow, he decided that the dog sounded like Akamaru.

**It was. **

Akamaru was yapping, trying to get his attention. Soon enough, Kiba caught up with his canine companion.

"_Naruto! _Over here! I want to talk with you!" Kiba pointed to an old broken hut, one of the few old structures showing damage from Kyuubi's rampage without being having beem razed or repaired. "Akamaru will stand guard…."

Pushing aside an old rotting door, the two shinobi walked inside and greeted one another. Kiba seemed very eager for some reason, having a **_lot_** of questions for Naruto. He wanted to know just what kind of situations he had experienced with the women.

_Word had begun getting around town._

Naruto gave him a brief synopsis, which had Kiba laughing until Naruto quieted him.

"You lucky _**dog!**"_Kiba said, chuckling. "Did Shino catch up with you?"

"Yes…… but he never got to tell me anything…." Naruto looked hopeful. Maybe Kiba knew what Shinoi did.

"_Really? _Oh, ho ho ho! I get to be the one then. You **_won't _**believe it…." Kiba repeated what Shino had told him and Hinata.

"Damn. But _wait_…… I took a bath…." Naruto looked perplexed, but then closed his eyes and smacked his forehead. "I am a moron. A complete and total _idiot!" _He sighed, shaking his head. "My clothes!"

"We all know **_that_**…." Kiba laughed, slapping Naruto on the back. "But_, this _is justice, man."

"Huh?" Naruto stuck out his lower lip, looking belligerent.

"Well, you defeated me in our fight by the use of…… _scent_…." Kiba chuckled.

"**Shit!**" Naruto exclaimed.

"Yes. Close enough…." Kiba slapped his knee. Listening by the door, Akamaru howled in laughter.

"I've _got_ to get back to my room," Naruto said, rubbing his chin. "I can toss my clothes out of the window…… take a shower…… then put on some fresh things." He pumped his fist. He had the answer.

**And there was an attainable goal I sight!**

"If you like, I'll wear your shirt and lead them away…." Kiba rubbed his hands together. He was also very aware of a small phial in his pocket, pressing against his leg.

"No!" Naruto shook his head. "You're a good friend, but I **_won't_** let you take that risk." Naruto stretched, ready to head on his way.

Kiba cursed under his breath. Then, she sighed.

_His time would come…._

As Naruto took to running again, he felt confident for the first time that day. His dormitory was far across the village, but he had a route mapped out in his head.

**This should be possible!**

He would go a little bit out of his way, but could stick to the areas of lighter traffic that way. Yes. Run through some gardens. Streak past some personal residences. Go from tree top to tree top. Use the rooftops again.

"Dig it!"

Before he knew it, he would be luxuriating in a nice warm shower, all soaped up, with every trace of the pheromones gone. After that, when every one knew what had happened, he would be off the hook.

Well…… **_mostly_**….

Dashing through a series of tall hedges, and leaving Naruto-shaped openings in his wake, he prepared to hurdle over one side-street that was bordered by high stone walls and old fortifications. Just before he leaped, he received a nasty surprise.

The younger shinobi were **_very_** talented. They were adept at using whatever materials they had at hand. Ari, Kaiko, and Hotaru had caught wind of him and were on his trail. They had joined their long-strap purses together, forming a bolo of sorts.

The spinning contrivance wrapped itself around Naruto's legs, causing him to stumble just as he was about to take his last long stride.

"What the…."

He bounced hard off of the wall, then began rolling down a slope at the edge of that structure. Just as he was steamrolling the last row of flowers on the hill, he heard a familiar voice.

"That's **_right. _**We don't have an explanation yet, but when that boy is brought before me, I am going to have some _words_ for him…."

It was Tsunade. She was standing with Shizune, Anko, Kurenai, and the violet-haired ANBU member. They all turned to look at him when he landed with a loud _'Oooooph!!!' _

The Hokage's eyes went glassy, and she finished her statement with different words than she had originally intended.

"And those words will be **YES**…… **YES**…… **YES-S-S-S**….. **_YES-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S_**…."

Tsunade put her hands together and cracked her knuckles.

"_Hmmmm_…." Kuneai shook her head, but couldn't shake the effect of the pheromones. "And '**DON'T STOP**….. **DON"T YOU _EVER_ STOP-P-P-P-P**…."

She tossed her hair, then began to frown when she saw the other women move close to Naruto, who quickly grabbed a kunai and slice through the purse straps.

A number of inarticulate noises had them all looking up. Ari, Kaiko, and Hotaru were sliding down.

They weren't the only women converging on the scene. Fully clothed, the temple women had been walking past, intent on obtaining a medical opinion that might explain their sudden shameless behavior.

Women that Naruto recognized from the Ramen shop also happened to be strolling along that street, heading home with their suppers.

"I have a question," Anko said, bumping aside Kurenai and a wordless Shizune. "Naruto, do you **_smoke_** when you're done?"

"Uhhh…." Naruto swallowed hard.

"Because if you _do_, that will be a sight to see. After that, you can have a cigarette…." Anko chuckled, then spat, seeing a number of the approaching women reach into their purses and take out packs of smokes.

Naruto was a true believer in the concept of _'safety in numbers.' _This time, it worked in a different manner. The large number of women meant that they would be busy arguing and fighting with one another, while he was able to slip free.

But, as he began to run, they put their differences aside momentarily, and began chasing after him, trampling anyone **_and_** everyone in their path.

Uncertain exactly what jutsus he used, Naruto tried one technique after another. He hoped that no one would be hurt, and that the damage would be kept to a minimum.

**But, he was not in any state to plan carefully.**

A large swamp rose up in the center of one busy avenue, while small fires popped into existence, and strong sheet-like blades of wind knocked many women on their duffs. Waves of mud solidified here and there, and the normally decorative vines along some fences grew huge, wrapping around ankles and claves.

_A huge number of Naruto clones used some of the vines to hogtie the hormonally-charged ladies._

"I must have done something bad in another life!"

Naruto had been driven away from his chosen route, but was finally getting close to his dormitory. Just a few more streets to cross, and a few alleys to hurry down. But, he couldn't afford a leisurely pace, even though there were few people in sight.

**The noise coming from a few blocks over was fearful.**

Walking down one quaint tree-lined avenue, with its old style apartments and small walled-in courtyards, he stopped and tried to reverse his direction.

_He did not want to go through this a third time today!_

Lee was standing with a large bouquet of flowers in his hands. And, miracle of miracles, he was **_not _**wearing a green stretchy suit. Spiffily clad, he was in the process of handing the cut blossoms to Sakura.

Sakura was scowling, seeing Naruto. Lee, however, was ecstatic.

"**OOOOOOOOOOOOH!**" The large-eyed boy struck one of his Gai-approved poses, the light shining off of his triply-brushed teeth. "**_NARUTO!!!_**" He began heading towards his friend. "**YOU CAN CELEBRATE MY SUCCESS!!!" **Grabbing Naruto firmly by the arm, he dragged the struggling boy towards Sakura.

Naruto let his weight fall to the ground, but the trick didn't work. Lee was stronger than he looked. The smiling boy practically carried Naruto by his belt loop.

"Lee! Just let me head home and shower. _Then_ I'll celebrate with you all you like!" Naruto didn't want to do anything that might hurt his friend, but he was afraid he knew what might happen if he _didn't._

"Let him go, Lee. You should do your celebrating with **_me_**, right?" Sakura had her hands at her hips. Her countenance was clouding over, but she didn't show any signs of conversion yet.

"**AHHHHHHHHH!**" Lee spoke loudly. "But this is a momentous occasion. You have said you are not interested in anyone else. My perseverance has paid off, as you have accepted my request for a date. I will _not _have to do five hundred leg kicks this afternoon." He put Naruto down, all too close to Sakura. "**_OOOOOOOOOOOH! _**The burning heart of Konoha has lit the torch in our hearts!!!"

_Sakura's eyes rolled back in her head for a moment._

Naruto began running. But, he was too late. The pink-haired ninja used a technique she had learned from her mentor.

Sakura's_ Chuusuusei Biribiri _turned her chakra into anelectrical pulse that was transmitted into her erstwhile team mate's body. The electrical impulse traveled up his brain stem and disrupted the flow of electricity in his nervous system.

It had been a glancing blow to the neck, so much of the energy missed its target. But, Naruto was unable to coordinate his movement for the moment.

Sakura sauntered up, put her arms slowly around a twitching Naruto, and gave him a long deep kiss. She then began unbuttoning her blouse. Naruto would have been in heaven three years ago, but was not so eager for that kiss now.

"Lee, you still here?" Sakura laughed. _"Do you like to watch?"_

**Lee looked like he had been frozen solid.**

Kyuubi's chakra helping Naruto recover quickly than he would have on his own, the discombobulated shinobi regained the proper use of his limbs and broke free of Sakura's grasp.

_Once again he ran._

To the dormitory. Through the door he tugged off of its hinges. Up the stairway four stairs at a time. Sliding on the rug one person had outside his door. Over to his own door, then through it, letting it swing closed behind him. Across his living room floor, clothes flying in all directions, leaving an impromptu trail behind him. Finally, into the bathroom, where he turned the shower on.

Safe.

**After all that, he was finally safe.**

Now that he knew the reason for everything, he had _nothing _to worry about. He would clean off first. The clothes could stay where they were until he was done. If he tossed them out the window initially, crazed women might storm the building before he washed away the pheromones.

The water streaming into his face, he didn't catch sight of the bathroom door opening. Singing _'Love Potion Number 9_,' he didn't hear anyone undress, or notice a small growing pile of clothing on the bathroom floor.

**He suddenly felt shocked. **

A small hand grabbed hold of the half-opened shower curtain and slid it all of the way open.

Hinata stood there.

_Naked._


	5. The Cat's Meow!

The soap fell from Naruto's lax fingers.

His jaw dropped open. His eyes shut, then opened again. He had not seen a mirage.

Again, a certain part of his anatomy reacted, almost as if it had a mind of its own. A chill ran through his body, as if he had stepped on a live wire.

"Naruto-kun…… I've been _following_ you…… waiting until you were _c-c_-cornered…."

Hinata held Naruto's pants in her arms. **_That_** was trouble. Even though he had scrubbed his body, the clothing was _still_ rich in pheromones. But, at least the suspended trousers covered up part of her body.

The pants fell to the floor, close enough to still do their damage. Hinata gingerly stepped into the shower with Naruto, who pressed back against one corner.

"Uhhh…… your skills are admirable, Hinata. So is your…." He swallowed, almost saying 'body.' He held his arms out in front of him. "You don't _really_ want to be here. It's pheromones. **_They_** are causing this." Hinata must have stayed close enough for the hormones to work, without letting him know that she was there.

_She was better than he would have thought..._

"I _know_. I saw Shino's bottle break. I was carrying one too." The white-eyed girl bit her lip, her eyes tormented, but her subsequent smile leaving no doubt what her body wanted.

Naruto but his hands on Hinata's shoulder, holding her back. But, she took them and slid them down to her breasts.

"**Yikes!**" Naruto moved his hands back to her shoulders, feeling as if he had touched red hot coals. "You _have_ to fight this Hinata. I don't want to hurt you."

Hinata closed her eyes and parted her lips. She trembled, looking like she was trying to resist. But, her willpower was no match for biological imperatives.

"You would _never_ hurt me, Naruto-kun…." She leaned all of her weight towards Naruto, trying to press her body against his. "_M-M_-Maybe I don't want…… _m-m_-maybe I don't **_want_** to fight this…… I _l-" _Hinata clamped her mouth shut, then took a step back. Her deepest feelings for Naruto gave her just enough strenght to prevail, if only for a few seconds,

Seeing that brief respite, Naruto tried to slide past Hinata, his back against the shower wall. But, she resumed her attempts.

The anxious ninja tried to think of some trick. Nodding his head, he found one. It might sound bad to her later, but he could explain his reasoning.

"Hinata. This is no place for something so special. Why don't you go wait on my bed in the far room. Don't worry about my clothing. I'll clean that up _later." _

**If she walked past the effects of the pheromones, he could toss out his clothes and put a stop to all this.**

Hinata hesitated. Her eyes went wide, but then became sultry. Licking her lips, she said "Time and place don't matter, Naruto-kun…… as long as it's with _you_…." She bent her neck and bit his arm.

"**_Owww!_**" Naruto jumped. When he did, Hinata ducked under his grasp and grasped him in a hug with her arms and legs. Blushing up a storm, Naruto thought of another ploy.

"Well, it matters to _me_, Hyuuga Hinata. That is, if anything **_I_** want matters to _you_…." He picked her up in his arms. "I'll carry you…."

"Ummm…." Hinata became still for a moment. She clenched her fists. But again, she relaxed, wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck, and began nibbling on his throat. _"Hurry!"_

When Naruto placed Hinata on her back, cushioned by the pillows on his bed, he quickly ran out of his bedroom and closed the door. Grunting, he slid a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door.

"Now, you stay _calm_ in there!" Naruto admonished Hinata. "I am **_not_** about to do anything to take advantage of you!" He sighed, realizing just how excited he had actually felt there for a few moments.

Picking up his clothing, he headed for the nearest window. As he did so, he heard pounding on his bedroom door. Hinata was pretty strong: the large set of drawers teetered on its front legs, almost falling over. But, the pounding became weaker and weaker, then ceased.

_Holding his breath, Naruto threw his things out of the window, not watching where they fell._

On the street below, a middle-aged man in a one-piece work suit went about his duty as a refuse collector, pushing a large cylindrical garbage can on wheels. He picked up the discarded clothing…… looked up at the window they had come from…… then shrugged.

He put them in his container.

**He was in for some interesting times.**

Meanwhile, Naruto stood in the middle of his living room, trying to think how to deal with a very awkward situation.

"Hinata, are you _OK? _I got rid of all of the clothing. I'm going to go wash my hands. Everything should be fine then."

_There was no answer._

"Hinata?" Naruto was worried. She might just be embarrassed, as the pheromones must be wearing off bit by bit. He hoped that she hadn't done anything to herself out of shame.

After washing up, he put her clothing in a neat stack, just in front of the door. Saying a brief prayer, he pushed the furniture out of the way.

"Hinata? Hey, are you there?" Still no answer. "Listen to me Hinata, you did nothing wrong. You _weren't_ the only one acting that way today. Tsunade was too. And Kurenai. **_All _**of the girls." The silence stretched on. "I won't tell _anyone_ what happened here today. I promise."

Naruto began to feel very guilty, even though he hadn't done anything wrong. He could only imagine what Hinata must be thinking.

"I've put your clothes in front of the door. I'm going into the other room. If I don't hear anything from you in five minutes, I will check to make certain you are OK.

He heard the door open and closed, then ran his hand through his hair, feeling relieved. Then, it struck him.

**He was standing there with nothing on!**

"Stay in the bedroom for a few minutes Hinata!" He called out, heading to the dresser.

_The door to his apartment flew open._

Kurenai walked in. There were other women in the hallway behind her, but Naruto was too shocked to notice. He covered his nether regions and backed towards the dresser.

"A little privacy, please!" He managed to shout.

"He's in here…… **_naked,_**" Kurenai said loudly. "And Hinata's in the _bedroom!" _She began to advance on Naruto, her face flinty and frightening. "If he has taken advantage of her, I'll whiddle him down to two legs instead of _three_…."

Tsunade pushed her way into the room. Shizune was by her side. Both looked very grim.

Soon, countless women filled the room, backing a naked Naruto into a corner. Suddenly feeling more defiant than sheepish, Naruto moved his hands, turned around, and began rummaging through his drawers. Pulling out some clothes, he remained facing away, but began getting dressed.

"Poor Hinata…." That was Sakura's voice. "That could have been _m-m-me_…."

"That could have been _any_ of us," Tsunade said. "_**If** _anything actually happened. We _don't_ know that yet…."

"We may have gotten here just in time!" Kurenai said, fiercely. "Hinata? Are you OK? Come on out, you're among friends…."

"We won't let anything happen to you." Shizune said, trying to read Naruto's face and posture. He didn't act like he was guilty of any indiscretion.

"Yeh! And we'll let **_you_** take the first cut, if you like…." Anko grinned, but her eyes wouldn't have looked out of place on a Hell Hound.

Naruto began to get pissed.

_**He didn't care how many women faced him down, or how powerful they might be as a whole.**_

"It's OK to come out Hinata, but you _may_ need to wait a moment. The way everyone is talking, I may need to kick some asses. You probably won't want to see **_that_**." He turned to Tsunade first. "I didn't come begging for an _A-class _mission…."

_The Hokage frowned, but her cheeks colored some._

"I didn't give the sperm sample that someone tried to get." He stared at Shizune.

_The medical ninja blushed, then looked away._

"I didn't offer to tattoo _'Love God' _on someone's privates!" He scowled at Anko.

_The dark-haired shinobi just shrugged. It was no big deal._

"I didn't get all hot, then ask Lee if he wanted to watch." He shook his head, catching Sakura's eyes.

_The pink-haired girl looked like she wanted to melt and seep between the cracks in the floor._

"What _DID_ you do?" Kurenai said, in no way deterred. "Why isn't Hinata coming out?"

**The door opened.**

After a few moments, Hinata stepped out, hand at her mouth.

She didn't seem able to look at Naruto. She had a hard time looking anyone else in the face as well.

"_**Hinata!**" _Kurenai stepped over to her friend and one time student. "Are you alright. Did he _touch_ you?"

Hinata swallowed hard, then nodded her head.

Everyone in the room gasped, cursed, or shook their heads. Despite that, Naruto still stood tall, daring anyone to blame him for anything. He knew that he had done nothing wrong.

"Yes… he _did_… but ummm…." Hinata looked away.

The women all began muttering louder and louder. Naruto felt an urge to defend himself, but decided to let Hinata speak.

"He put his hands on my shoulders, to hold me back," Hinata faced the wall, and leaned her head up against it. "I…… _ummm_…. " Hinata stopped. Tears began to roll down her face. "I put his hands on my…… my…… my breast…… but he took them away…." She shook harder and harder.

Naruto blushed. He took a step towards Hinata. "It's _OK_, Hinata. You **_don't_** have to say anything. Nothing happened, and you didn't do anything wrong. I won't tell them a thing. It's none of their business."

The women all called out questions to Hinata, overwhelming the embarassed girl. Naruto stepped towards the women, putting his arms over his chest. _"Leave Hinata alone…."_

Hinata shook her head, but looked over at Naruto, grateful for his words. "I tried…… I _wanted_ to…… if he didn't****stop me….." She obviously felt a need to get things off of her chest. And, she wanted to defend Naruto. "He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom…" She trembled. "He put me on the bed, then…."

Kurenai took out a number of shuriken. Shizune placed her hand on the jounin's arm, then shook her head.

"Let her talk," Tsunade said in a voice only Kurenai and Shizune could hear.

"Then he left the room, and blocked me in. I was banging on the door. I wanted…… I wanted to…." Hinata began sobbing. "He…… he wouldn't let me out…."

**Naruto set his jaw.**

"It was pheromones, if you haven't heard word of _that_ yet. I showered. My clothes went out the window." He frowned. "I think everyone owes me an apology."

Kurenai looked down at her feet. Shizune smiled. Sakura was still too embarrassed to speak. The other women in the room remained silent.

"Uh huh," Tsunade said. "Maybe for **_some_** things. There will be other things for us to discuss, I think." She shook her head, then narrowed her eyes. "A _'Swamp of the Underworld'_ in the busiest street of Konoiha's busiest district. A need for remodeling the Medical Center. Damage to one of the temples. Charred portions of the landscape. Dead and destroyed livestock…."

Naruto pointed to Anko. She just shrugged again.

"I **_could_** go on," the Hokage said. "The Hospital clinic will be treating scrapes, cuts, bumps, and bruises for the next few weeks!"

"You left out the Library," Kurenai said, not looking as if she were ready to take any of the blame for that fiasco.

"I did what I had to do to…… well…… _you know_…." Naruto coughed. "You should **_all_** be thanking me! What would some _other_ guys have done?"

That had the women all shuffling their feet for a moment. Hinata looked over at Naruto, a look of adoration on her face. That and gratitude. She was feeling terrible now, but things could have been _much_ worse.

"Speaking about _that!" _Naruto stepped over to Tsuinade and looked her in the eyes. "We're going to need to get the **_true_** story out, so I _don't_ have everyone trying to kick my ass…."

Hinata stood up straight, then walked over just a step behind and to the left of Naruto. She was twiddling her fingers. As a witness to the precipitating event, she felt it was her duty to speak.

"I…… I was with Shino…… I was with Shino and Kiba, helping to carry the bottles." She hung her head. "Kiba dropped his bottle, and Shino caught it. But…." Hinata looked over at Sakura.

"_What?" _Sakura snapped out of her embarassed silence. "I would have caught the bottle, if Naruto hadn't pushed me out of the way!" She was not about to take any blame whatsoever.

"Hey! **_You_** were the one who ran into Shino!" Naruto sneered.

"Because I saw _you_ coming!" Sakura spat back. "_Geeez. _You're such an pest!"

**When the story was finally straightened out, Tsunade spoke.**

"I told you before that a ninja has to sacrifice himself for the good of his village." She spoke very solemnly, but with a touch of amusement in her eye.

_Why was it always Naruto who found himself in these situations? _

"I'm afraid we **_won't_** be able to clear your name. In fact, I am going to ask everyone who knows about the pheromones to keep them a secret for now."

"**WHAT!**" Naruto's mouth fell open. He marched over to the Hokage, almost nose to nose with her. "What kind of nonsense is _that, _Old Lady?"

"What do you think would happen, if the men in this village found out there was a substance that did what the pheromones did today?" Tsunade's look was very pointed.

"They…." Naruto's eyes went wide.

"_Exactly!" _The Hokage said. "You were very responsible…… something that's hard to believe…" She chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his hair. Then, bending over, she whispered in his ear. "Thank you. Keep that up, and you will _deserve_ to take my place some day."

She stood back up and continued.

"Some guys would use that kind of thing to their advantage. Either to make money, or to…." Tsunade didn't need to finish the sentence. "I'm surprised this kind of things hasn't happened _before_. There are going to need to be strict regulations put into effect. That, and a number of safeguards…."

There were a few moments of silence, where everyone waited for someone else to speak.

_Surprisingly, it was Hinata who spoke first._

"Th-Th-Thank you, Naruto-kun…." She glanced at him briefly, then looked away, blushing.

"Huh?" Naruto put his hand behind his head. "Oh, yeh! That's OK, Hinata. It was no big deal for Uzumaki Naruto, right?"

After that, Shizune came over and said a few quiet words to Naruto, apologizing, then thanking him for his gentlemanly behavior. Kurenai came over as well. After she said she was sorry, she stood staring at Naruto, making him feel self conscious.

"I misjudged you. Hinata really likes…." She bit her tongue, realizing what she nearly let slip. "You **_could_** have taken advantage of Hinata. You could have done that to _any_ of us, but it would have hurt her most of all…." She smiled. "Your sensei might be disappointed in you though…."

"If you **_had_** touched me when I was under the influence…." Anko walked up, unapologetic. She made a cutting motion at waist level. Then she smiled. "If you want to help me finish my tattoo, though…." She grinned. It had the hairs on the back of Naruto's neck standing on end.

_He couldn't tell if she was trying to make him feel on edge, or really meant what she said._

Sakura didn't say anything to Naruto. He brought her hand to her mouth, exclaimed "Lee," and ran out the door.

Various other women offered their apologies, or seconded Tsuande's and Kurenai's praise.

"Hey! Granny Tsunade!" Naruto thought of something. "Does this mean I can't explain things to any of the guys?" He went on to describe his run ins with Shikamaru, Neji, and Lee.

"_Hmmmm." _Tsunade rubbed one of her arms while thinking. "Kiba and Shino already know. I trust Shino. Kiba…… Kiba may need to be threatened…… he has a big mouth…." She pursed her lips. "As for Neji? It's hard enough to pull things out of him, so he's fine. Shikamaru, too. Just tell him to be discrete. Though…… if he knows, that means Choji will _also_ know…." She sighed. "Lee..." She stood tapping her foot for a few moments.

"Bushy Eyebrows is very excitable, but also very responsible. If I tell him the honor of Konoha is at stake…" Naruto scratched his head. "If I tell him that Sakura's honor is at stake…." He nodded, smiling.

"_Alright." _The Hokage gave Naruto a piercing stare, then held up one finger. "No one else, for now…… **_especially_** anyone who isn't shinobi!" She grinned a wicked grin. "If I hear that you blabbed, I will personally write out a bill for damages…."

Naruto laughed, until he saw her face. Reflexively, he patted the pocket where his frog purse was. It was gone. Not just empty, after his gift to Choji, but missing.

"What's wrong?" Tsunade asked, seeing the look on Naruto's face.

"Froggy's…." Naruto screwed up his face. "My frog purse. It's gone. It…." He remembered where he saw it, but he had been to busy to take notice of it. "It's at the Temple near the large oaks." His eyes went wide, and he trembled. "I…… I can't go back _there_…."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, but Naruto shook his head.

"I…… I will…… I will get it for you, Naruto-kun…" Hinata offered.

"**NO!**" Naruto said loudly. "**_DON'T GO NEAR THAT PLACE! _**" Then he looked away.

Tsunade looked at Shizune. They would _have_ to find out the story behind that. The temple workers had mentioned damages, but nothing else.

"Naruto-kun?" Hinata made a steeple with her fingers.

"**NEVER MIND!**" He felt bad when he saw her jump. "I can get a new money purse, Hinata…. but, _thank you_…."

_The thought of those Tantric women showing certain books to Hinata threatened to cause a nosebleed._

Anko and Kurenai looked at each other, having thoughts similar to those that Tsunade and Shizune had.

"In _any_ case, until some of the furor dies down, it's a good idea that you stay in the dormitory." Tsunade sighed. "It might also be good to post a guard or two…."

"**_NO WAY!_**" Naruto bristled. "I'm _not_ some kind of criminal. And, I _don't_ need to be protected like some kind of baby!"

"Oh?" The Hokage smiled. "Is that your pride speaking…… or your stomach…."

"_Well-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l_…." Naruto put his arms behind his back, looking sheepish for a moment. Then he frowned. "It doesn't matter. I'm not just going to stay in my rooms!"

"Even if we have Ramen delivered…… all you can eat…… at the village's expense?" Tsunade smiled.

Naruto froze. His hands twitched.

**Then he smiled.**

"OK. A Hokage has to do what is good for everybody! I will take note of that. Just be certain there is pork….. shrimp…… beef……" he went on, listing practically every flavor available. "It doesn't hurt to be safe, I guess…."

"Yes…." The Hokage winked at Shizune.

_Shizune began looking around the room, in rather exaggerated fashion._

"Huh? Shizune? What are you looking for?" Naruto looked concerned, when the medical ninja stopped every so often and sniffed the air.

"You got rid of the clothes…… but did you clean the floor where they sat?" Shizune kept from smiling. Tsunade winked to Anko and Kurenai. They all hid smiles as well.

"N-No…" Suddenly, Naruto felt a little nervous. He didn't know just how strong the pheromones might be.

"Then…." Shizune shook, then closed her eyes. Smiling, she swayed on her way to Naruto. "You might not be so safe after all…." She licked her lips. "He's **_mine_**…."

Someone moved too quickly to see. It was Hinata. She stood between Shizune and Naruto, her arms straight out from her sides.

"Run, Naruto-kun! I will protect you…."

Naruto tensed up, until Shizune began laughing. Tsunade and the others joined in, causing Naruto to look from one to the other before catching on.

Shizune reached out and pinched his cheek. She looked at Hinata and smiled.

"**VERY FUNNY!**" Naruto said before muttering under his breath. That only made everyone laugh longer and louder. Struck by Hinata's reaction, he turned to her and said "Thanks, Hinata."

Hinata blushed prettily.

"Ummm… you're welcome, Naruto-kun…."

_But, Naruto's thoughts didn't stop there._

"Hey, Hinata?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "You kept showing up a lot. Nobody else did. How did **_you_** keep crossing my trail?"

Anko laughed. "He's not the sharpest kunai in the shop, _is_ he?"

"No, it doesn't look that way." Kurenai nodded.

"But, we wouldn't want him to change, _would _we?" Shizune grinned.

"Not at all. Not in **_that_** way, at least!" Tsunade chuckled. Then she led the others out of the room. Stopping there, she kept a neutral look when she spoke. "Hinata, you are being assigned as Naruto's guard until I have a chance to check the jounin duty roster. I'll send over your replacement a little later." Then she left.

Hinata stood in the middle of the room, rubbing her fingers together. Naruto looked at the door, then Hinata, and back at the door again.

"Oh, and I'll make certain there's enough food for the _both_ of you," Tsunade said, sticking her head back in the room. When she left, she shouted. "Shizune, make certain the order is enough for ten people. No, knowing Naruto, make that a dozen. Hinata needs to eat, too…."

When the footsteps had finally faded, Hinata spoke without looking Naruto in the eyes.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun…."

"**_I _**didn't invite you, _Old Lady Tsunade _did," Naruto said somewhat brusquely.

"I….. I didn't….. I didn't mean _that_." Hinata did look up then. "I mean….. when I wanted to…… the pheromones…." She blushed. "And what you said…. trying to make me feel good…."

Naruto rubbed his head. He wrinkled up his nose and made an odd face.

"Uhhh….. well….. you know…." He frowned. "I just did the right thing, that's all. It's not as if I did anything heroic!"

Hinata shook her head.

**Her face clearly said otherwise.**

Naruto didn't know what to make of that. For some reason, he felt good inside. He stared at Hinata's face for a while, grinning. Realizing what he had been doing, he tried to look away.

_But, his eyes kept coming back to her._

Was that because he had seen her naked, and touched her….

No. It wasn't that. She looked really cute standing there, that shy smile on her face.

"If…… if I'm bothering you…… I can eat outside of your door…." Hinata twiddled her fingers. "You probably don't want to see more of me today…… after…."

Naruto was surprised that he actually **_did_** want company. He also wanted to make certain that Hinata was going to be OK. But, that _didn't_ mean that he wouldn't indulge his mischievous streak.

"No. I would like you to stay." He was amazed at the look on her face when she heard that. But, it didn't stop him. "The table's covered with my laundry, so we'll need to eat off of something else…."

"The kitchen counter?" Hinata asked.

"I was thinking….. maybe….. the shower…." Naruto laughed for two minutes straight, seeing Hinata's reaction.

**Eventually, when her face no longer resembled a sunset, Hinata found her voice again.**

"Naruto-kun…… is that the way….. is that the way you treat someone….. you might like…."

Naruto stood frozen himself for a moment. Then he nodded his head.

"Yes."

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**

It was near lunch time.

The village streets were packed with people.

**Everywhere that Kiba looked, he could see women making up a fair part of the crowd.**

"OK, Akamaru…… here goes nothing…"

The young shinobi took a small stoppered bottle out of his pocket. Grinning, he twirled it in his hand, watching the clear amber fluid make bubble, then settle down.

He had taken some of the liquid out of the bottle he had been carrying, when Shino hadn't been watching. Seeing how the events unfolded around Naruto had gotten his mind working in devious ways.

_Maybe Naruto had been willing to pass up a chance of a life time, but he wasn't!_

"Girls, get ready for the _Juujin Bunshin!" _Kiba shook his finger at Akamaru. "You only get to watch!"

He took out the stopper, then liberally splashed the solution all over his clothes and skin. Trembling with youthful anticipation, he walked down the path, passing close to every woman he saw.

**Nothing happened.**

"Shit! Wasn't the stuff in my bottle the same as the stuff in Shino's?"

Akamaru barked twice.

_How was he supposed to know?_

Kiba frowned. Maybe it just took time for the stuff to work. Good things were worth waiting for. But, after fifteen minutes without as much as a smile, he began cursing again.

"I wonder if that batch was f-cking defective?"

Akamaru began yapping, louder and louder. He wasn't answering his companion. Something was happening.

**A massed yowling noise grew louder and louder.**

The dog's eyes went wide. He snorted, then took off running as if his life depended on it.

"Hey! Akamaru…… what's wrong…." When Kiba turned and looked behind him, he swallowed hard, then began running himself.

_From all conceivable directions, each and every tomcat in Konoha was converging on Kiba_.

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**

**THE END **


End file.
